Monday, December 15, 2014

Screwed By Your Attorney?

You should have hired Amber Lunsford. She promises to get you off.

In Modesto, California, a criminal defender was caught red-handed--and red-faced--sitting astride a shackled inmate that she was supposed to be representing. When the sheriff's deputy looked in on them, he reports that she was on his lap with her hand down his jumpsuit, and his hand was up her skirt.
The sheriff said when Lunsford and Montalvo spotted the deputy, the attorney immediately got up and pushed down her skirt.

Lunsford told the deputy, “I guess this visit is over,” according to Christianson. The inmate and the defense attorney were searched to ensure no contraband was exchanged.

The attorney asked the deputy, “Is there any way we cannot make a big deal about this?” according to the sheriff.

Lunsford was detained for a few hours while the contact between her and the inmate--a hispanic gang member charged with robbery and murder--was investigated. As of this writing, the Sheriff has banned Lunsford from the jail, meaning that she cannot visit that inmate or any others, and letters have been sent to every judge hearing a case in which she's representing an inmate.

However Lunsford, far from being repentant, has hired her own attorney to call the Sheriff and his deputies "liars" and work behind the scenes to ensure that she's not criminally charged. This makes me pose the question of why she's worried about criminal charges if nothing actually happened? Oh, that's right...SHE'S the victim here, at least according to her own lawyer.

At least she's kinda cute.

I got her picture from her little law office website, Lunsford Legal Group. It contains some pure comedy gold.
"Unlike many attorneys who promote their experience prosecuting crimes, Amber Lunsford has been fighting for people accused of crimes, people like you, for her entire career."
Of course she was only admitted to the bar in 2011, so her "career" spans maybe three years at best, assuming that daddy set her up with an office on the day she was admitted.

Still, she claims to have considerable legal experience in certain areas:
Ms. Lunsford also has a long commitment to defending people accused of sexual offenses.
Well that ought to come in handy if she decides to represent herself.

But the funniest part of her little online CV was this part:
The courtroom is a serious place. You need a serious lawyer who you can trust. A lawyer who sees you as an individual. A lawyer who will treat you as an important member of your trial team...
and, I'm guessing, a lawyer who will give you a lapdance and a handjob, all while charging the taxpayers $85.00 an hour if you claim to be indigent.

I note for the record that I did not actually see a picture of a brass stripper pole in the pictures of her office, but I'm willing to bet that there's one there.


  1. D'oh!

    A fertile field for comedic commentary.

  2. "When the sheriff's deputy looked in on them, he reports that she was on his lap with her hand down his jumpsuit, and his hand was up her skirt."

    Isn't that a communication covered by the attorney-client privilege?

    1. It is not covered by the privilege for several reasons; not the least of which is the fact that you could not make the straight-faced argument that it was a communication. Even if it was ruled a communication, it would probably be covered by the crime-fraud exception to the privilege. IMHO.

  3. Anonymous2:56 PM

    A sick puppy

  4. Anonymous9:35 AM

    The ladies love the bad boys, don't they?