A speech I'd like my President to give.

Oh I wish that President Bush would give this speech...

My Fellow Americans:

As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning. If and when it all falls apart, look to the Democrats and the few spineless psuedo-Republicans who didn't have the balls to stand up behind our troops as they liberated Iraq from tyranny and created the beginnings of a new stable democracy. If it falls apart now, they will have earned the blame just as much as their allies in Al Qeada.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Italy, Denmark, Bulgaria, Australia, El Salvador and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany , and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to certain New York neighborhoods where those vehicles will be stripped and burned by local resident entreprenuers. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbor.
Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. And as long as we have eleven million of your citizens here illegally and sending our money back to your country, you'd better start sending the oil up here gratis. If you don't like that idea, I can promise you that you'll have all eleven million of them back within the next thirty days. And just FYI--any of the ones here who commit so much as a single crime starting right now will be sent back there regardless.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in our known reserves in Alaska, the Gulf of Mexico and off the East Coast and this will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism.. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.

It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night. If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

If President Bush were to give that speech tomorrow and mean it, I and very other red-blooded American would be in his corner on election day and the Democrats would be left with the votes of the felons, the trial lawyers and the elitist liberal college professors who hate America because they've never managed to amount to anything despite the unlimited opportunity that this nation has always offered.