The guy in the mirror is an idiot

Sure enough.

Two evenings ago, I went out for a run. Not a long run--just a few miles--but it was so nice out, and things were slow enough at work that I was able to slip out for an hour or so...

It was hot and the humidity was pretty low. I knew it, but I didn't bring water with me. I know that I need to stay hydrated just for my leg if nothing else. But I ran without any because I didn't have anything to put water in.

Then my leg started hurting about a mile into the run. Not the usual mild and temporary pain that I get for the first little stretch before my leg settles into the prosthetic, but a deeper, sharper pain suggesting that things weren't fitting quite right. I should have quit running and called back to work for someone to come pick me up. But vanity...vanity is strong in this one. I will not quit, and I will not show weakness, especially in front of these co-workers who have only heard tales of the incident that cost me half a leg a few years back. I will finish this run despite the pain, and when they day is over, everything will magically be all right again.

Self-delusion is strong in this one, too.

I did finish the run even though every step brought me a new, sharp stabbing pain, and I finished it in pretty good time because by the last mile, I was mad at myself because I knew that I'd caused some damage, and because I was mad, I drove myself that much harder. And when I got back to my workplace and stopped running, it was just about all I could manage to do to even walk once I switched back to my regular walking leg. I knew for sure that I'd done some significant damage indeed. Idiot.

I tried to ignore it yesterday, but it got progressively worse the longer I was up on it walking around. By the end of the day, I was really hurting, and when I got home and took the leg off, I knew right away that I wouldn't be putting it back again this morning. I called work and let them know that I wouldn't be in today. So now I'm just sitting home with my leg off, talking to Lagniappe, playing on the interweb and reading my new book about Air Force legend Robin Olds while trying not to spill too much coffee out of my mug as I hop around the house on one foot.

A lost work day, just because I didn't listen to my body and stop a run when it was telling me to. Now I won't be running for a week or more, and the upcoming 5k that I was ready for? Scratched.
All because I wanted to tough it out in front of my peers instead of being smart and sensible and stopping when I knew that it wasn't going to work. I just had to show everyone that I can do anything, and that my missing leg never slows me down. I guess I showed 'em, now that I'm not there today.

Dumb...
Dumb...
Dumb...