Seriously. It would have been so much less trouble. But no...I just had to have a dog.
I just want to do some house cleaning this afternoon. I'm here, I've got nothing else to do, and the place is long, LONG overdue for it.
The easiest way for me to do a lot of it since I can't walk right now is to sit on the floor and work. Down on the floor, I can sort laundry, pick up trash, sweep/scrub the floors, and do much of what needs to get done.
That is, I could but for a 68lb. gremlin named Murphy.
You see, Murphy's bored, too. I have a neighbor who walks him once or twice a day, but not long walks like I usually do. He has a lot of excess energy right now, and his play drive is triggered instantly by my getting down on the floor and entering his world.
If I set something down, he feels the need to poke his nose into it. If I move something, he has to grab it with his mouth or bat it with his paws. And when I made the mistake of pushing him back bodily when he got in my way once too often...it was on. He leapt back...he crouched...he growled once, and then he leapt at me, darn near knocking me over. My attempts to push him back again were met by parries from his big paws, or else he'd grab my wrist, gently but firmly, and try to tug me towards him. I push him with both hands and he jumps back, barks at me, and then with eyes flashing and tail wagging, he jumps back at me again and the grappling resumes.
It's hard to scold a dog convincingly when he's acting so goofy that you can't help but laugh, but I finally managed to get a grip on him and calm him down. I explained that I have work to do and he needs to stop, and that his behavior is inappropriate. He looked at me for a few seconds and I figured that he'd gotten the message. I turned back to work, and a second later, I was sharply jabbed in the back by his snout. I ignored that, and I was quickly jabbed again harder. I turned and looked at him, and he stared at me for a second, then pecked me again hard, like a woodpecker pecking a tree. He made eye contact with me for a second like he was daring me to do something about it, then he turned and walked out of the room, leaving me to wonder what the hell that was all about.
But at least he was gone, I thought. And I had peace, until he popped back in about thirty seconds later with a toy, which he threw down in front of me. Sigh.
"You can play with me...or I can play with you."