Smoke that, Murphy!
Now Murphy's generally a decent sort of dog, and actually fairly well-behaved if you're there to watch him constantly 24/7. He does, however, have some issues that surface when he's left alone, the most annoying being that he instantly decides that you're not coming back and he's King Alpha Dog, Supreme Ruler of the Lair and Possessor of All Within. Translated, this means that, while he respects boundaries as to what's his and what's mine while I'm here, once I step outside the door, everything that was mine becomes, in his eyes, his. And this holds true whether I'm gone for a week-end, a day at work, or just taking a stroll down to the mailbox. I'll come back to find that he's seized something off of the counter and devoured it, and it now waiting to give me one of his patented "Oh, did you want this?" looks. I never know what I'll find when I walk back in--anything from a shredded and empty bag that once held a new load of bread to a frying pan taken out of the sink and transported to his dog bed in the living room where it got licked clean. And woe to me if I ever forget and leave a grocery bag full of goodies on the floor after getting supplies from the store; he'll hit that faster and harder than a German Panzer brigade crossing the Polish border circa 1939.
Well last night, shame on me, I forgot and left one bag out after putting groceries away. It was a bag that needed to go to another room but I got distracted and...you know. (If you've been to my place, you really do know.)
Well I went out for a bit, and as soon as I did, the Masked Murphster struck. I came back and found the bag ripped open, it's contents scattered, and one box in particular ripped open with it's contents on the floor bearing tooth marks. Surprisingly (or not), the item was only a little bitten up and not destroyed, as is usually the case. But then again, the bag contained bathroom stuff, and the box so rudely opened contained a new bar of soap. Apparently Murphy got one good bite on the soap bar and decided that it just didn't taste good at all.
Ha! I hope that the taste stuck around, you furry rat bastard! Next time maybe you'll remember that and keep your muzzle out of and off of stuff that's not yours.