Friday, September 06, 2013

Screw TSA

Know what this is?
It's a combination bottle opener and corkscrew.
My saintly mother bought me one of these while she was out west visiting relatives a few months back, intending to give it to me as a small gift. However, when she got to the airport, the officious brownshirts of the TSA (Thieves Standing Around) decided that it was too dangerous for her to have this on the airplane so they took it.

Well when I was up visiting her this past week-end, she gave me another one. But this one made it back here on a different airplane: Mine. It went into my carry-on bag and I carried it right out onto the tarmac and secured it in my own plane.

Know what else got carried onto that tarmac and flown through the once-friendly skies?

A Smith and Wesson Model 19.
A Smith and Wesson Model 642.
A Springfield Armory 1911.
(This one got carried in my hip holster as I flew cross-country and touched down at several GA airports enroute.)

Oh--and this Swedish Mauser. (Thanks, Aaron!)

Oh, and did I mention the horrible, vicious attack Shepherd in the back seat? Truly I was some sort of airborne menace to society, at least if judged by the standards set by the Thumb-Sucking Assmonkeys.

Not surprisingly, no one was injured or even scared during the duration of my flight. Additionally, my aircraft was NOT hijacked by muslim extremists, overweight union agitators or crazed environmentalists, but suffice it to say that had such an attempt been made, it would have been repelled quite easily as ammunition for all of the above was both plentiful and close at hand.

I even had the ability to open a few bottles in celebration of any post-attacker-suppression. But not alcohol, of course. Not until after the aircraft was tied down for the night because alcohol and aircraft don't mix and I'm all about responsiblity.

In other news, at least two Transportation Security Administration officers at Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport have been arrested in a police sting operation...


  1. And - strangely - you survived.

  2. Homeland Security, TSA and the IRS need to be closed completely and anyone employed by them banned from governmental employment or public office at any level for life. Then follow that up with DEA, BATF, DOE (both), NLRB and EPA. Maybe then the public's trust in the Government will be somewhat restored. Throwing Lois Lerner in the slammer with no bail until her trial would be good starting point.

  3. I heard they also confiscated her knitting needles - they were concerned she would get on the plane and make an afghan.

  4. Oh, gee...the TSA found criminals! And then placed them on suspension pending investigation. Par for the course.

  5. All you really needed was for Murphy to 'smile' at them :-)