Sunday, July 20, 2014

Crazy Cat Neighbor, week-end report

As many of you may recall, I have a Crazy Cat Neighbor (CCN) who, along with his equally cat-obsessed wife, feeds and houses countless feral cats to the annoyance of all of the rest of us around him. On Friday, a construction work truck showed up at their house and local unlicensed handymen Larry, Darryl and Darryl got out and started slapping an addition onto their house. The addition: a new room just for all the feral cats so that the cats can have more access to food and shelter and room to breed more litters of feral cats. And hey--what spreads cat diseases better than creating a single structre where all of the diseased cats can go and co-mingle?

Yep, they actually spent thousands of dollars to put a whole new room on their house just for stray cats. And since the work is being done by three hillbillies who seem to be getting paid in cases of beer (in advance), I'm sure that it'll be a great addition that'll add so much value to their home. Of course I've been in their house, and the large quantity of indoor cats that they have (not to be confused with the outdoor cats) has the whole place reeking of cat pee probably permanently. When/if they ever move, that place is just going to have to be demolished because no one with a nose will ever be able to live in it.

But now I'm thinking that the CCN and his wife should have saved their money because it looks like he's going to need it to hire a lawyer. You see, the other night, Murphy and Belle began barking out on the deck. It wasn't the usual "I see a cat" bark, which, frankly, I just tune out. No, this was their "something strange is going on and we don't like it" bark, and that one drew me out of the back of the house in time to see the CCN engaged in yet another dispute with his arch-enemy, the Old Hippie Neighor (OHN), an unreconstructed sixties flower child who is now in his 80's but still just as weird and liberal as he ever was. The OHN lives across the street from CCN and they get along about as well as Iraq and Iran. If they aren't actively fighting over something, give them a bit of time and they will be.

By the time I got a shoe on my (broken) foot and hobbled down there, the main event was pretty much over and the parties had retrated to their respective domiciles, but the story that I got was that this one started when OHN's dog got away from him and ran up in CCN's yard to chase the cats around. Now my dogs have been known to do this from time to time, and CCN just calls me. But there's bad blood sufficient between these two such that CCN grabbed a hammer and ran down to the street where OHN was trying to re-gain control his dog, and CCN began trying to hit the dog with the hammer. Well OHN stepped in to try to protect his dog, and he snatched the hammer away from CCN and pitched it off into the woods, only to have CCN pick of a pretty big stick and commence to whacking on OHN.

Did I mention that OHN is in his 80's?

No arrets was made that night, despite the fact that an old man was beaten bloody by a man thrity years his junior, but I've heard through the grapevine that one can be expected shortly. It looks as if my Crazy Cat Neighbor is going to wish that he'd saved the money that he and his wife are spending on that cat room because now he's going to be needing a lawyer and it's liable to cost him a pretty penny to work through this case, especially if he wants to avoid jail time.

Give him a day or two and I'm sure that he'll be knocking on my door and asking me to take the case for him, at no charge, of course. It's a pity that I can only tell him no and crush his hopes just once.

11 comments:

  1. Geez, sounds like somebody needs to pound on BOTH of them... Or you need one of those Gamo rifles with a good scope... Feral cats ARE huntable in most places.

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  2. I'm not going to say that I pop feral cats when the opportunity presents itself, but I'm not going to say that I don't, either. As for the neighbors, this time, the Old Hippie Neighbor didn't do anythign wrong. Crazy Cat Neighbor is genuinely unstable, especially when he gets to be drinking.

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  3. Hillbilly contractors? Building permit? Stiffed the city/county/state out of their permit money? You can be a libertarian and still use the tools at hand.

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  4. Sigh. Unfortunately CCN is an enemy of cats but is just mentally ill enough to not realize it.

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  5. I missed the stress fracture post. (went back and found it) Hope you're progressing.

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  6. Seems to me that you could drop a dime on the unpermitted and unapproved addition being built by unapproved/unlicensed contractors. Just sayin'

    Also:

    I have a very good friend who is an attorney. SHe does work for me occasionally, but has a policy: Everyone pays. Everyone. I have no doubt that, were I arrested tonight, she'd represent me immediately with no retainer until I found a lawyer who specialized in the type of work I need, but she'd bill me same as anyone later. She loves me, but she doesn't work for free.


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  7. Excuse du jour: You witnessed the events.

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    1. Yep. That's the one I'm going with. There are other reasons, but that's the one I'm offering if asked.

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  8. Lock up CCN and his wife up.
    I would drop a dime on them

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  9. Well, you could drop a dime to the SPCA, the Zoning Board for operating an Unlicensed Kennel, and what ever State Agency isn't getting their Money for all those Unlicensed and Unvaccinated Cats also.

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    1. County Animal Control has been aware of these idiots for years and tried to bring them into compliance regarding the cats only to get slapped back when Mrs. Crazy Cat Lady went to the County Commission, showed them in their own ordinances where Animal Control only has authority over dogs and livestock and not cats, and filed a harassment complaint against the Animal Control office. The animosity from that office towards them to this day is so strong that when they found out that I was their neighbor last year, they almost didn't let me adopt Belle until I assured them that I was nothing like my neighbors.

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