If I win the Powerball.

I got a ticket.

If I win the 350 million or so in tonight's drawing, I will buy a cruise ship.

Then I will host a big party on the cruise ship. I will invite every liberal that I can coerce to come: Michael Moore, Jane Fonda, Rosie O'Donnell...most of Hollywood today. I'll make sure that all of the Kardashians are there, including Bruce or Caitlyn or whatever he calls himself these days. I'll also invite Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid...aw heck--I'll invite ALL of the Democrats, past and present. Michael Bloomberg and his gun control puppets will get invites, too, as will the Black Lives Matter protesters and the illegals that run around demanding we stop enforcing our immigration laws.

The editors of the New York Times will be there, as well as every personality on MSNBC. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert will be booked as the entertainment. Every cabin on that ship will be filled with outspoken liberal politicians, actors, news anchors and others who hate America and want to come together and work to "transform" our country; it'll be the left-wing party of the century.

Of course I'm also going to buy a surplus Russian submarine and use it to blow up and sink that cruise ship once it reaches deep water. That'll be my gift to America and the rest of the free world.

Any problems, I just hire that lawyer who got the "Affluenza kid" off a couple of years ago.

I should still have a couple of million left over, and I'll use that to buy an F4U Corsair and do victory rolls with it until I run low on gas. And then I'll get more gas and do more victory rolls.