Bye. Don't let the door hit you.
But you don't get those whole states; you get the parts that voted for you.
- You get Detroit, Pontiac and Flint but Michigan is otherwise red.
- You get Chicago and the rest of Illinois stays in America. (You can have Gary, Indiana, too though.)
- Milwaukee and Madison are yours judging by the poverty and ceaseless demands for more free stuff but the rest of Wisconsin works and pays taxes and belongs to America.
- Enjoy Minneapolis too. You made that mess but the rest of the state is still good people, aka: Red-state Americans.
- The Northeast has never been loyal to America as far back as our war of Independence when they still traded with the British. (I think they reprovisioned German U-Boats in World War Two as well.) Keep those with our compliments, especially as all the coal for the power grid comes from us.
- California is only blue from San Francisco down the coast to Los Angeles and San Diego so you can have that because frankly we don't want them anyway. We will of course be pulling all of our military out so get ready to welcome your new Mexican overlords. (We've let them know that we're no longer interested in retaining New Mexico as well. Hasta la Vista, Cucarachas!)
- Oregon is solid red except for Portland and Eugene, and you've ruined those so you're not getting out of here without taking them with you.
- Hell, take Seattle too and good riddance to the lot of you.
But poke so much as one blue-dyed head up over the Sierra Nevadas and we're cutting the water from the Rockies right off. Oh--we'll be sending you a few dozen trainloads of Boulderites and other hippie freaks out of the once-great state of Colorado too, because we're making Colorado great again and we can't do that with liberals in it.
Signed: America.
Donald J. Trump, President.
And you can have the Denver/Aurora metroplex, too. It's a blue island surround by a sea of red.
ReplyDeleteWe'll make sure the liberals from up this way rush to save their brothers and sisters down there, and then we'll get you sealed up real well.
Love it! And we'll throw in the Austinites and the Houstonians too!
ReplyDeleteDon't forget the Dallas f***ers.
DeleteSounds good to me
ReplyDeleteDo it now. No reason to wait.
ReplyDeleteNew Mexico is another of those states ruled by mostly a single city/county. The rest are infiltrated with ex-Californians. We keep the SE corner of the state though. It's very red and that's where a good chunk of America's oil and gas comes from.
ReplyDeleteI'm willing to provide coastal SoCal with water (as long as we don't need it) electricity, food (one of the most fertile regions in the world, the central valley, belongs to us) at a premium price of course. Oh by the way, cash only in gold or silver, no inflated paper money. Refugees entering the free states from the socialist utopias will be accepted upon paying an entry fee on sliding scale (see previous comment on cash), the more of a contribution you can make to the free states, the lower the fee. No new immigrant can vote for a period of ten years unless they can prove they have contributed to the well being of the free society. No college graduate with a _____ Studies Degree will be admitted.
ReplyDeleteHasta la Vista, Cucarachas! LOL, epic
ReplyDeleteWe can probably keep the CA areas east of the coastal mountains. That's farm area. Except Sacramento, which they can have.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, don't let the door hit on the way out.
Hey Murphy;
ReplyDeleteSounds good to me, Wish we could make it so for no other reason so we don't have to deal with their conceited asses any more.
They can also have the People's Republic of Chapel Hill here in NC, and while Asheville is beautiful, way too many trustafarians there to keep in the USA.
ReplyDeleteI hear that. The bartender I'm going to fetch from Mexico in a couple of weeks hails from Asheville. I can see what you mean. If I didn't drink free when she works up here I'd consider leaving her there.
DeleteBRILLIANT!
ReplyDeleteBut, be sure to include Miami-Dade and Broward Counties, Tampa and Tallahassee in your offerings to the Blue. It from those benighted areas from whence the Florida Man slur arises.
Glad to see you back.
ReplyDelete