Sunday, March 22, 2009

Bride-zilla goes to jail

I wonder if the wedding band played "Here comes the bride" on a banjo?

Seriously folks, it not often that someone who lives in West Virginia gets to laugh at anyone else for looking like an ignorant hillbilly hick, but Billy and Jade Puckett have just made that possible.

You see, this couple got married last week-end down in Texas. It is not known how many head of livestock were in attendance but it is known that after the reception, Billy Puckett was stopped by a DUI task force, allegedly because his passenger (that would be the newly-minted Jade Puckett) was opening and closing the car's door as they drove down the highway. Billy was subsequently arrested for DUI.

Now it could have--and should have--ended here, but Jade apparently wanted to get into the act too. She apparently "exited the vehicle" (cop-speak for "got out of the car") and proceeded to tell the arresting officers something along the lines of "take yer hands off'n my man!"

No actual idea what transpired, but Jade was apparently so obnoxious and belligerent that she was eventually arrested herself for being drunk in public. And since arresting officers aren't in the habit of driving prisoners home to change clothes, Mrs. Puckett wound up going off to the pokey in her wedding whites.

She pled guilty the next morning when she was presented before a judge--still wearing her wedding gown--and received a sentence of "time served".

Well there was a time when any citizen would have just died of embarrassment had such a thing happened, and most people would have just hushed up about it and let it blow over. But that was before all of these reality TV shows came along and totally de-stigmatized looking like trailer trash. Jade claims that she was so embarrassed about being jailed in her wedding dress that she...called press conferences--and even posed for new pictures in that wedding dress!

I guess she figured that if a welfare-cheat like Nadya "Octomom" Sulyman could cash in on 15 minutes of shame, a drunken redneck in a wedding dress might just be able to sell a few interviews or otherwise make some cash too.

Rumor has it that Jade and her new husband as so upset that they're fixin' to up and move right on out of Harris County, just as soon as they can arrange for a truck to pull their trailer away.

And here's a few tips for your next weddings, Billy and Jade:
1. Next time spring for a limo, or at least find some sober guy to drive you home.
2. If/when you encounter the police, be polite and respectful and do what they tell you, especially when they tell you to stay in the car. (JADE!)
3. If you both need to be drunk in order to marry each other and/or take care of traditional honeymoon business, it's probably not a good match. I'm just saying...
4. Oh, and Jade...sit up straight. Slouching in court is so un-ladylike.

7 comments:

  1. This could be an episode on my big redneck wedding

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  2. Nelson Muntz11:30 AM

    Ha-ha!

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  3. Gawd, and the people in the south wonder why the people in the north look at them like they are all hillbillies.... .... LOL at Bitches.... You guys are so right, i thought maybe i did see this on redneck wedding.

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  4. Damn rednecks and their weddings.

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  5. Love the picture! Never saw a clearer case of, "Rode hard and put up dirty."

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  6. Nothing like spending your wedding night in the pokey !!:)

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