Thursday, May 27, 2010


I am blogging from an undisclosed secure location today.

Word is, a fatwa has been issued against me by Natasha, wife of Aaron, owner of The Shekel.

Apparently this has something to do with my teaching Abby and Leah, their two young girls, how to make blowguns from soda straws and spitballs from pieces of napkins when we were at a McDonald's the other day. (NOT one of the ones on the Ohio Turnpike.)

I thought that it was cute, and a good way to bond with the girls. They definitely thought it was great fun and the older one became quite proficient at shooting spitballs before we left.

For some reason, however, Natasha is not amused.

I even tried to point out that Aaron sat right there without objecting, a tacit co-conspirator, but no joy--she's still blaming me.

I had even hoped that I might count on my valiant ex-police dog for protection from her wrath, but as soon as I told Lagniappe that Tash was reported to be on her way down and in an angry state, he skootched under the bed and now he won't come out.

So was it really so wrong to teach these kids something that they almost certainly would have learned eventually anyway? I'm thinking not, and if you agree with me, can I stay with you for a few weeks?

I mean, come on--it's not like I told them more stories about monsters under the bed that chew little kids' legs off at night. (And for the record, I honestly had no idea that little kids actually believe that sort of stuff--and I said I was sorry...)


  1. Make sure you have some overhead cover, because as Prince Rabadash has it, "the bolt of Tash falls from above!" I feel for you, friend. I would not want to be on the receiving end of the wrath of Tash!

    You didn't teach them to fold up the straw paper like an accordion and then pull it out of their nose, did you? You would be dead for certain if you did that!

  2. As much as I'd like to offer sanctuary to you and Lagniappe, I', still waiting for my wife's sister in law to make her move after the niece's high school graduation party disaster.

  3. Come over to AZ and we'll show ya' how to add a toothpick to make them into darts. (Might be considered incitement to use them at either of the SB1070 rallies this weekend, however. Bummer.)

  4. Oops... I 'think' your time is limited... :-)

  5. The next lesson: Catapults from plastic spoons or forks. You know, hold down the end of the spoon/fork, then depress the other end after loading it with a projectile such as a spitball or a grape, and then release.

    And then, after Abby and Leah get a little older and can go with Aaron to the office, then they can really become proficient in the weaponry that is to be found in the office supply cabinet [ ].

    You and Lagniappe are welcome to sit it out up here for a while, but if my wife ever gets into a friendly conversation with Natasha, then all bets are off!

  6. And when they get old enough, don't forget "match rockets"!

  7. Anonymous8:38 AM

    Buy her chocolate and Beg for Mercy