I know now that Lindsay Lohan, the no-talent-having train-wreck of a celebutard who is venerated in Hollywood and everywhere else that useless people gather is going to jail for three months. I know that she cried in court because it was a shock to her, and I know that she had an obscene message painted on her finger that the judge is taking note of. I know that her father and her sister were in court but that her mother was not. I know way, way more about this loserette than I ever wanted to know or set out to learn. In fact, I learned all about her DUI's, her coke use, her probation violation, the movies that she was going to star in before her career imploded, and many other random facts about her without even trying. Further, I learned all of this and more despite making a conscious effort NOT to learn anything about her. But this damned celebrity-obsessed tabloid-based culture and the media that caters to it made sure that my filters and barriers were overwhelmed by sheer volume as they reported on her on the front pages of almost every newspaper in the free world as if she was somehow someone important or worthy of note. She hasn't done anything to earn any sort of distinction, but her trials and tribulations are being discussed on virtually every news website or TV news show and even on almost every otherwise serious talk radio show.
I can't stand it any more.
My brain now contains several pages worth of irrelevant Lindsay Lohan data, no doubt crowding out otherwise useful and pertinent information. I don't want to know this stuff and I don't want to know her. But the media, trying hard to keep us from noticing Obama's bumblings, gaffes and failures, is spoon-feeding us this crap every day now, ensuring that we're not only distracted, but dumber for our troubles.
There was a time when the media reported actual news and discussed politics and current events. In fact, that used to be the norm, especially because the media liked beating up on whichever president was in charge. But now that Obama is in the White House--put there in large part by a media who conspired to trash his opponents and ignore his own flubs and failings--they can't report on his actions lest the wind up tearing down the idol that they themselves built up. So instead, they fill their pages with aimless gossip about Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, Perez Hilton and countless other morons. And in large part, we, the people, not only put up with this but many of us thank them for it and reward whichever source gives us the juiciest new tidbits the quickest.
Meanwhile, in Rome, the fires are raging out of control as President Urkel slips out for another round of golf. And as usual, no one sees him go or cares. Stop the world, I want to get off.
Thank God that the UPS man is coming with more ammunition this week.