OK, a few weeks ago, I totally rebuilt the toilet in my main bathroom. Rather proud of myself I was, too. Until it began to leak. Damn it--how can it leak? I replaced every single component, screw and gasket in or connected to the tank. It's not possible!
So tonight, I spent another hour on it, tearing it down, repositioning the gaskets, refilling it, emptying it and mopping up the water, then replacing the gaskets... And still it leaks.
I'm at an impasse. I can't figure out what's wrong, but I for damn sure am not going to call some expensive plumber in here to do what has to be a simple fix. Tomorrow I'm gong back to Home Depot to try to cadge some free technical advice.
In the meantime, I'm done with it. I cleaned up, washed up, and walked out into my living room to find shreds of plastic all over the floor. It took me a minute to figure out that this plastic once comprised a bag that held the brand new family-size loaf of honey-wheat bread that I'd just bought at the store today. But there was no bread--not even a crumb. The whole loaf was gone. Like it was never even there.
And there sat Audie Murphy, licking his chops and looking quite proud of himself."Got jam?"
And my head exploded.