So I'm back from a bit of minor surgery to my leg...and back on crutches for a bit. I'm bone tired now, even though it was just done under a local anesthetic so that I could drive myself home afterwards.
I got short notice on this one. I went to see the doctor last Thursday for a recurring infection in one spot under the edge of the prosthesis, and he examined it for about thirty seconds then told me that he wanted me in ASAP to have it cut out and analyzed. And this means that I probably won't be able to put my leg back on until it heals, and maybe not even until the sutures are taken out in a couple of weeks. Freaking great.
So I had a few days to resign myself to being sidelined for a bit. I stocked up on meat, beer, old movies and books, and I'll probably be blogging more than usual. I've also arranged for a neighbor to stop by and walk Murphy a couple of times a day, because he's more than I can handle on crutches right now.
When I stopped at the grocery store on the way home to get a few more things, I used my crutches to get into the store, then tossed them into a cart and hopped along behind it on one foot to get my stuff. All went well except for the one item that I needed that was way down on the very bottom shelf where I had a heck of a time trying to get it. But I'm nothing if not resourceful, so I waited until the first cute gal came along and then looked pathetic as possible so that she'd get the things for me and I could express my gratitude properly and try to talk her into coming over to cook the food. Alas, the one that I selected also had a wedding ring on so the latter part of the plan was a no-go. Just my luck.
Then as I was heading to the cash register, a large woman saw me hopping out of the aisles towards the only register without a big line, and damned if she didn't step up her pace just to get in front of me. Fucking bitch! I mean, it's got to suck to have to stand in line on TWO feet and all, so I can see why she'd want to rush to cut in front of the guy who only has one, but damn...and then I get to watch her unload her food and I understand why she's so freaking fat--it was all crap food--two boxes of Tastykake donuts, a bag of chocolate chip cookies, a bag of potato chips, a tub of ice cream, soda pop...yeah, that was worth making me wait another five minutes. But karma's a bitch, too. When she opened her wallet I saw her ID card with her name on it. Cheryl Tighner, you might want to try a few more fruits and veggies and a a lot less of that sugary stuff. And if you add some exercise a few days a week, maybe people will stop saying "Look out, she's backing up!" every time your pager beeps.
OK, that was mean. But I'm tired and cranky and I don't care. At least I was nice enough not to say anything to her and cause a public scene. Besides, if she'd said anything rude back, I might have whacked her with my crutches a few times. The legal defense would have been easy--I'd have argued that I didn't actually hit her but rather the crutch was just drawn in by her own personal gravitational field.
Sorry, that was mean, too. I'm really tired.
But one thing that did keep me chuckling was when they were digging into my leg, the doctor has this little tool like a soldering iron that cauterizes blood vessels to stop much of the bleeding. Every time he pressed it home, I could hear the sizzle and smell the burning flesh. For some reason, I just kept remembering that old Warner Brothers cartoon about the little indian chasing the moose around his mansion. In one scene, the moose sets him on fire. The indian, not realizing that he's on fire at first, says "Me smell Mohican burning. Me last Mohican...must be me! Yeowwww!"
So when I smelled that smell, I sniffed loudly and said: "Me smell Mohican burning..."
I had to explain that to the Filipino intern and the Iranian nurse, and I'm still not sure that they got it, but the native West Virginian aide laughed as soon as I said it. He grew up on Bugs Bunny like I did and knew exactly where it came from.
And if you don't know--or if you do--here: (Above-referenced funny bit starts at 4:40, but the whole thing's great.)