DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was supposed to get married yesterday but I stabbed my fiancee in the heart twice by accident and now they are telling me that he's dead. I have two questions for you. Do people usually die when you stab them in the heart (so I'll know for next time), and do I have to return the wedding presents?
Signed: Na Cola
Gentle Reader: Your mama seriously named you "Na Cola"? Wow. Oh, and write back from prison after the trial and tell me how that whole "it was an accident" defense works out.