Saturday, July 27, 2013

Why I hate technology--crazy chick reason.

OK, those people here who know my understand that I an a proud Luddite and that, with the exception of my computer for internet access, I typically eschew anything more technologically advanced than a cassette player. Honestly, I'm of the opinion that everything that society might ever really need was already invented back in the 1970's and anything more modern is like First-World felgercarb that we can all get along without.

Seriously, when Skynet becomes self-aware in a few years and starts knocking the human race off, it's gonna have to work pretty hard to even find my ass, much less smoke it.

But recently, a coupe of dents got hammered into my anti-technological defense as I won an iPad in a workplace raffle, much to the amusement of those around me who laughed uproariously and said things like: "You don't even know what an iPad is, do you?"
(And yes, I did know what an iPad did...right after I found a computer and Googled it.)

I also got one of them there iPhones. (An iPhone 5, thank you very much.) I can thank my friend Tom for hooking me up not only with the iPhone but with a wireless router that connects the iPhone and iPad to my iComputer so long as iLeave it alone and don't monkey with the settings or press any of the buttons.

This is kinda handy, because now I can read e-mails in bed and and flip through Kindle books like Peter's great e-book, Take the Star Road. <--Shameless plug, but worthy of it. Go read it, people. I can even use this thing called "Netflix" to watch old episodes of Dr. Who and Miami Vice.

However, it's also recently opened the door to a young lady that I met recently whom I'll refer to as CST, which is short for "Crazy Stalker Chick".

She's the one who actually installed her Netflix thing on my iPad so I could give it a try. The only problem is that as soon as I started watching anything, she'd text me to tell me that she knew what I was watching.

OK, that stuff's creepy enough, but then there's the texts in general from her--texts that have got me hiding from the iPhone now. She'll send me a text pretty much any time of the day or night, and if I don't reply immediately, she'll send a second asking why I'm ignoring her, and then a third where she gets all miffed. This can happen any time, and I'm almost afraid to even glance at my phone now lest I have another stack of messages from her in that format.

I've solved part of this by uninstalling her Netflix info and re-installing my own (because I haven't finished watching all of the Miami Vice episodes yet) but I haven't figured out how to stop the texts and what I have to say to her about this is not the sort of thing that a gentleman says back via text. In other words, when I kick this one to the curb, it's going to be in person, not via a text or e-mail. She's cute and funny, but it's only been a couple of weeks and already the manias are becoming apparent in this one so I'm going to put a stop to it before she breaks in here and starts boiling live rabbits in my kitchen.

But this still begs the question, which I'll pose to you more electronically-savvy types: Is there some sort of screen or filter that I can set up that identifies and blocks out crazy chicks? If not, someone needs to make one, because this technology makes it way too easy for them to bring their drama into your personal space 24/7.

I'm thinking that it's time to ditch the fancy cell phone and internet and just go back to a landline phone and a few newspaper subscriptions like civilized people have.


  1. Sorry, you're way more techno-savvy than I am. You may need to give up the Luddite appellation....

  2. Um. I don't...uh, there's another perspective you might want to consider, regarding talking to her in person. Politely telling a reasonable person to leave you in peace may seem like the thing to do, but stalkers are not usually reasonable people. If she's merely too chatty and charmingly neurotic, then giving her some boundaries might do the trick. However if she has no comprehension of boundaries, seeking her out and speaking to her might just feed any delusions she may have about her importance in your life. It might be safer to ignore her til she goes away; for some people any attention is good, even negative attention. (And in spite of my well-known lack of tolerance for crazy chicks in general, I'd advise very careful handling of a stalker of either sex.)

    Just a thought, but you're on the right track - lose the crazy chick and enjoy the iThings.

  3. @ Suzanne: Good advice, but not too easy here. I know her through work, and even though we don't work directly with each other or for the same employer, our paths tend to cross pretty regularly. This is going to take some finesse because we're still going to have to see each other on the job.

  4. Each phone is different so I can't tell you how, but you can block her from being able to call or text your phone. I have several people blocked on mine. People I just don't want to hear from.

  5. Dude. I got nothin'.

    Remind me to go give Lu a big thank you for marrying me kiss. Or maybe a present of some sort. A new gun perhaps?

  6. Thanks for the mention of my book. Much appreciated.

    As for stalker lady . . . I've found the most effective method is to return the crazy.

    "You want to know what I'm eating? Well, I picked up this roadkill raccoon, and I marinated it in Crazy Joe's moonshine - yeah, I know it sends you blind if you drink more than half a bottle, but what harm can it do as a marinade? - and now I'm smokin' it in Mean Uncle Fester's smoker - the one he made out of an old sewage processor. You wanna come over to enjoy it with me?"


  7. Hoo boy, have fun with that one Murph, regardless of what you do it WILL be wrong...

  8. Finesse, Yes sir. That's the way to go, Murph.

    Use the Toejam guaranteed "finesse" method:

    Tell her you got an incurable strain of syphillis.

    From a dirty toilet seat, of course...Gotta go easy.

  9. I know for my Droid smartphone there are apps I could get that would filter text messages (by phone number) and bounce the unwanted ones. I've not actually tried them though so I'm not sure how well they work or how easy they are to use. I do know that with my Droid, when it comes to phone calls, I just label anything I don't want to take as its own phone book entry, and then choose the option to route those calls direction to voice mail (its part of the phone book options), but again, I'm not sure how that'd work on an iPhone as I've never used one.

  10. This is one method t block calls and messages. No need to contact carrier, pay extra, or find 3rd party app.

    "You may create your own block list. To do that (a) create an “ignore” or “spam” or “unwanted” (or whatever you want to call it) contact for numbers and people to block. Tap Contacts and tap the (+) button to add a new contact. Then name it “ignore” or something similar, add the number you wish to block or ignore, and then assign a silent ring tone and disable every alert including sound, tone and vibration for this contact."

  11. You missed a great opportunity to show her what a sensitive guy you are by watching a stream of chick-flicks via her Netflix acount.

    Either that or one way you could have freed yourself from her was to start watching a whole ream of gay films on her account so she figures you bat for the other team and then she'd go away.....

  12. Maybe go on Craigslist and find a tech geek?

  13. If she reads this blog, she is going to do one of 2 things:
    1. Never talking to you again, and PO'd for at least a month. And wondering what she is going to say to the human resources person about you.
    2. Timing all your habits and drawing a diagram of your dwelling to learn the best place to break in or plant the explosives. All this while she sits in a pentagram outline on her floor and prays to the goddess for your pain.

    Good luck!

  14. Does Murphy know not to eat treats from strangers? He's your number one stalker deterrent, but if she slips him a mickey, well, you've just lost one layer of your defensive plan.

  15. Oh NO! Now I have to REALLY worry about you & Murphy! (You know you HAVE to write about the resolution, right?)

  16. Are they using iMessaging or regular text? iPhone 5 right?

  17. Anonymous8:19 PM

    Your carrier has options to block specific numbers to be able to text you. If you need help, just shout over the mountain at me and I can help.