Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Some mid-week humor

They may be wrong, but I like 'em.

An Indian a Mexican and a Cowboy are sitting in a bar. The Indian knocks back his whiskey and laments: "Once we were many, and our tribes streched across this vast land. But now we are few, confined to a few reservations, and soon our line will be at an end."

The Mexican slammed his whiskey back. "Once we were few, and we came here humbly to pick crops, but now we are many. We collect welfare and our kids go to school for free. We drive without licenses, lobby congress, and some of us even hold political office here."

The Cowboy sips his whiskey and looks at the Mexican. "That's just because we ain't started playing "Cowboys and Mexicans" yet.

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along a campground in the Pope mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless hippie, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10 foot grizzly.
As the Pope watched horrified, a group of loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest as the other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious hippie from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other placed the injured hippie in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!"
He told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between loggers and hippies but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?" "It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure don't know nothin' about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to the city and snatch another one?"

So Brian Williams was on his way into the studio at MSNBC, ready for his first day back in front of the cameras. He was so focused on planning what to say when he got there that he took his eyes off the road for a second and crashed through a farmer's fence and hit a big oak tree head on. A few hours later, some studio executives, worried because Williams hadn't shown up, went out to look for him. They came upon the scene of the crash and saw the farmer just tamping the dirt back down in a freshly-filled hole with his shovel.
"Did you see this car crash?" they asked.
"Nope," replied the famer. "I just heard it and came out to see if I could help."
"Well was Brian Williams in that car?"
"Yep, he was," the farmer said. "I just got finished burying him."
"You mean Brian Williams was dead when you found him?" one of the execs asked.
'Well, he kept saying that he wasn't, but heck--who can believe anything that he says?"


  1. "...we ain't started playing "Cowboys and Mexicans" yet."

    Well, we kinda did, once, on April 21, 1836.

    - DF General Sam Houston

  2. Anonymous5:44 PM

    Good Ones

  3. Heh heh.

    Chris Plante was on a roll this morning about Brian Williams doing commentary on the Pope this morning - it was pretty funny.