As much as Canada likes to put up the fiction that their country is crime free while ours is dangerous and full of criminals, I have to point to the recent victimization of my Shekel-owning pal's family in Windsor. Note that this crime took place just across the river from Detroit, a city in which he and his family have never been victimized, despite spending far more time there than they ever have in Windsor.
And I'd like to warn the Canadians in and around Ontario particularly that my friend and I did discuss actually invading Canada and seizing Windsor until reparations were made in this case. You see, we're both lawyers and we have machine guns. That means that we're probably smarter and better armed than most Canadians. People in Canada can't have guns except in rare cases (The relatively few truly smart Canadians mostly live in Northwest Territories where they are still armed and as far from socialist Ontario and Montreal as they can get)and therefore there's really nothing that you could do to stop us. In fact, the only reason that he and I have not driven over there and seized Windsor is that, frankly, we just don't want it. But be assured that if we ever decide that we do, we're coming for it and there's precious little that you guys can do to stop us, especially if Dudley Do-Right and the Toronto Maple Leafs are busy that week-end.
So clean up your act, Canuks. Solve your crime wave quickly before we really grow annoyed. And if you know what's good for you, you'll get that camera equipment back here ASAP, preferably before we decide that we want Toronto.
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