Monday, March 02, 2009

Nebraska pothead busted trying to smoke a cat

Admittedly my first thought was that I didn't know that Michael Phelps even had a cat.

But then I read on and saw that it was just some basic, garden-variety pothead from Nebraska--some punk that's so successful in life that he still lives in his grandparents' house.
A man who tried to mellow out his cat by stuffing her into a homemade bong is facing criminal charges — and catcalls from animal lovers.

Lincoln-area authorities cited 20-year-old Acea Schomaker on suspicion of animal cruelty Sunday after catching him smoking marijuana from a contraption that had a cat stuffed inside its 12-inch by 6-inch base.

Schomaker told Lancaster County sheriff's deputies the 6-month-old female named Shadow had been hyper and that he was trying to calm her.

The cat was taken to the Capital Humane Society, where she appeared to be in good condition Monday, executive director Bob Downey said.

"What the human mind doesn't invent, huh?" Downey said.

Schomaker did not return voice or text messages left on his cell phone by The Associated Press.

Deputies discovered the cat trapped in the device after responding to a domestic disturbance call at a residence that Schomaker shares with his grandfather, Sgt. Andy Stebbing said.

Deputies resolved the dispute and left the house, but they returned minutes later after discovering there was an arrest warrant on Schomaker that alleged possession of drug paraphernalia.

Upon re-entering the house, Stebbing said, deputies saw Schomaker smoking marijuana through a piece of garden hose attached to the duct-taped, plastic glass box, in which the cat had been stuffed.

"This cat was just dazed," Stebbing said. "She was on the front seat of the cop car, wrapped in a blanket, and never moved all the way to the humane society."

Schomaker was cited for misdemeanor animal cruelty and taken to the Lancaster County Jail on the arrest warrant. He was released after paying a $400 fine.

Now Schomaker faces new charges for possession of marijuana and paraphernalia stemming from Sunday's incident.

Stebbing said the animal cruelty charge could be raised to a felony if the cat dies or is found to have suffered injury.

Downey said tests would be done to determine whether the cat suffered lung damage.

"To the eye, the cat looks OK," he said. "It cowers in the back of its cage like it's a little bit afraid but, obviously, given the way it's been treated, that's not surprising to me at all."
Now what cracks me up is that every time I bash drug users--particularly potheads--I get a ton of replies (most of which get deleted for obscene language) from people who claim to smoke weed every day while holding down important jobs and living in expensive houses. Yet it's funny how none of the potheads in these stories seem to rise above a lifestyle characterized by unemployment and sponging off the family for a roof overhead. And for that matter, most every pot smoker that I've ever arrested was either some loser who would never make it to college or who was in college on the parents' dime and petrified that mom and dad would find out about the arrest. In fact they usually bawl about how their parents will stop paying their tuition if word gets back to mommy and daddy that their little scholar was smoking up the money meant for textbooks and lab fees. I can't recall meeting many successful adults who smoke marijuana. But that's because I tend to hang around with winners, and dope-smoking is the providence of the life-losers.

You know--the kind of losers who still live with Grampy and try to smoke the cat instead of getting a job.

EDITED TO ADD: Lagniappe just informed me that he's also 100% anti-drug but that he's all for smoking cats. He says that they should be marinated and smoked over hickory chips at about two hundred degrees for at least an hour.


  1. Anonymous3:30 PM

    Unfreakingbelievable............. What in the hell is our society become??????

    I have to tell you i thought this was funny for about 2 seconds...Then it sets in, what our youth are, and what our once great country has become.

  2. Anonymous3:35 PM

    Holy Cow. This story...I am speechless. I don't even have a good comment. Oh wait I do, I hope they Fry that loser bastard for what he did. He does not deserve to walk among the rest of us and is clearly just a drain on society's resources. Hmmm...seems that was easier to come up with then I'd thought. Guess, I did have a comment hiding in there. :-)

  3. I have known exactly ONE decent pot-smoker with a good job, good family and worth speaking to. We didn't speak very often, but for the record I did know one.

    kind of a rarity. I guess he's the one that everybody thinks they'll be when they start.

  4. You know all kidding aside, any kind of SOB who would do that to an innocent animal needs to be stuck in a box and gassed! As a cop you probably know that animal abuse is just the first step in the serial killer profile.
    You know I could NOT be a cop in this situation, because I would violate this idiot's rights in ways you could not believe. The first making him ride to the station in the trunk of the car. UGH!! Sorry, I will get off my soapbox and go give my cat a hug!

  5. "To the eye, the cat looks OK," he said. "It has an incredible appetite for Cheetos and Mountain Dew, that's not surprising to me at all."

    In all seriousness though, what a douchebag.

  6. By calling this clown a "loser" you are promoting him upward a rank or two in the service. There is, methinks, a connection between thrill torture animals and some more serious murders.

    What do Jeffrey Dahmer, David "Son of Sam" Berkowitz, Columbine killers Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, and Adolf Hitler have in common? They all are confirmed animal torturers.

    Likewise, there seems to be a very, very high correlation among abused women whose intimate abusers also tortured the abused womens' pets.

    Calling this guy here a "loser" is like sewing another chevron on his shoulder.

  7. What the eff? Is this what's being taught in his school? He literally smoked a cat. Was he trying to be Catman or something? Because it is a bit funny yeah, but I don't really get his logic for doing this.

  8. Anonymous7:58 PM

    Okay,first off that is just cruel to the poor cat. Second,as an owner of four cats, would that even work. I mean their cats.

  9. Anonymous8:30 PM

    There's no excusing putting a cat inside a bong. Humans shouldn't abuse cats. Lagniappe can do what he wants to them with my blessing.

    As far as successful pot smokers go, I know four who make over $100,000/year, live in nice houses, get along well with their neighbors, and are in all other respects stand-up guys. These are guys that smoke pretty constantly.

    There are losers and worse that smoke pot, no doubt. But it's not the pot that makes the loser.

  10. I'm a little confused now. Is pot now the latest gateway drug for cats, or are cats the next step up from pot for humans?

    I just don't get out enough...must be because I have a job (rare enough in Michigan these days)

  11. The thing that warms my heart is that this asshole's life is going to be hell from now on. Cat lovers can be some pretty intense people, and you do NOT want to become famous online for messing with kitties. I've noted several situations where dipshits like this ended up at the receiving end of some heavy-duty payback from angry-- and savvy-- cat lovers.

    Heee... Ooops! Ahem. Not that actually advocating that stuff, of course...

  12. Obviously the guy is a complete loser but I have to say that your head-line is way better then that of the original article. Thanks for the laugh.

  13. I hope the Judge breaks the key off in the cell door for him.

    PS my dog Talon wants you to tell Lagniappe to try mesquite chips.

  14. Anonymous11:53 AM

    I bet he voted for Obama!

  15. Anonymous6:07 PM

    This is disgusting.

    I a past marijuana user I can say this puts a large damper on the plant using community.

    And for all you hard-driven right wingers who were most likely the kid that spelled socialism wrong on his t-shirt on "Right America: Feeling Wronged" . I know its hard for you to swallow because of your indoctrination, I know several..several recreational marijuana users that are successful, progressive, financially stable and well spoken.

    Read the statistics about marijuana and see which is worse.

    However, tangent aside.. I am certain (without proof) that this kid had severe mental issues long before he smoked the plant.

    Oh.. hey run-of-the-mill blogger, would it be too much to ask to be objective in your blogs? Maybe you'd even be able to save face.

    No worries, you've surely won over the forest gump crowd, next, the Baptists!

    Rush Limbaugh would be proud.

  16. Yeah, it would be asking too much for you to request me to write to your liking. This is MY blog. You want a different point of view out there, then write your own. Or did all that marijuana use sap your motivation to do anything besides surf the internet and post anonymous, grammatically-incorrect insults?

    But you're right on one thing...I apparently can attract the Forest Gump crowd. You're proof of that, right there, Bubba.

    Now go piss up a rope.

  17. I'm guessing the "past" in Anonymous' comment,

    "I a past marijuana user I can say this puts a large damper on the plant using community."

    should say "current", based on his piss poor writing skills. He/she sounds like he/she was pretty baked when he/she wrote that.

  18. I have met/arrested a LOT more losers than winners who were regular drug users.