Cat Neighbor Car Trouble

Well he's at it again. My crazy cat neighbor came over and asked for my help because his car was "hit and run" and the "damned police won't take the report". He knows that I have a law-enforcement background and once or twice a year he comes begging for free legal advice when he's gone and done something stupid.

Morbid curiosity caused me to inquire further. Cat man claims that his car was just parked in a parking lot when someone hit the front end of it and drove off. He reported it to his insurance company the next day, but they wanted a police report. So the next day (two days after the alleged hit-and-run), he took his car to the police department where he claims this happened and they refused to take the report. Now his insurance company is refusing to pay for the repairs.

Well I wandered over and looked at his car and I immediately saw why the police refused to take the report: the whole front end of his car was smashed in on the right side. parking lot collisions where a stationary car is bumped by another by nature take place at low speeds and consequently produce slight to moderate cosmetic damage. But this car--it's got major damage on that corner. The headlight bucket is smashed in, the bumper corner is bent, and the whole right front fender is crumpled clear back to the door. Whatever caused that, there was some velocity involved. Furthermore, the damage on the car along the side is heaviest below the bumper line, indicating that whatever did this, it was something low to the ground, like a large rock, or the edge of a ditch. Another vehicle would have almost certainly put the damage higher on the car than whatever dig this. Also, the front tire's rim is torn up about three-quarters of the way around it's circumference, suggesting that the wheel was turning when this happened. That didn't happen in any parking lot. Also there's no paint transfer from another vehicle like you'd get if painted metal impacted this car hard enough to cause the damage that I was looking at. In sum, it was obvious to me that this vehicle, while moving at a decent speed, left the roadway and struck one or more solid objects, most likely a high curb, a rock, and a post or some other immovable object. No freaking way this happened while the car was sitting in a parking spot. Absolutely no way. It was obvious to me, and undoubtedly to whatever police officer looked at it and refused to take the report. And the delay between the time it allegedly happened and the time that he finally reported it? Well that's suspicious too, but knowing what I know about this fellow's history of prior DUIs (plural)... Even Ray Charles could see what had happened here. I just shook my head.

"So how do I make them take the report?" he wanted to know. "I can't get this paid for without a police report."

I told him straight out that the damage doesn't match his story and the delay in showing up at the police station coupled with his insistence that it happened in a private parking lot in the first place means that he's probably not going to get a report. I also let him know that if his insurance company was to send an investigator out to look at this car, they'd likely see it the same way that the police officer and I did. In sum, I told him, he was probably going to have to eat this one.

"Why do I always have such bad luck?" He moaned.

I so wanted to send him this clip, because Red Forman answers him perfectly: