Monday, August 27, 2012

A message to the people of New Orleans


The weather people are saying that Hurricane Isaac could hit you and possibly be as bad as Hurricane Katrina was. That being the case, please allow me to offer you some constructive advice.

1. When The Man tells you to evacuate, for God's sake, go! Don't sit around until the shutters blow off your houses then act all surprised. You were told to go last time and many of you chose not to. That was all on you and not George Bush if you chose not to go. And please--don't tell me that you could not get out in the time they gave you. The rest of us saw all those school buses under water in your city yards. And public transportation notwithstanding, we all know that if there were free Snoop Dog tickets or a couple cartons of cigarettes waiting for you in Lafayette, you'd find a way to get there in a couple of hours.

2. If/when the storm hits, don't come around again demanding free debit cards charged with cash. We all saw how you used the ones we gave you the last time at casinos, Louis Vuitton stores, strip clubs and even on cruise ships afterwards. Shame on you, and shame on us if we let you take advantage again. This time you can just deal with it like everyone else does when bad things happen.

3. If you live on the public dime in Section 8 or public housing and we taxpayers are nice enough to relocate you to other public housing in Texas, STAY THERE! Don't demand transportation back to New Orleans and new project apartments again. If we graciously re-establish you in Houston, you need to remain there unless and until you earn enough money to move yourself back to New Orleans and buy your own place there. And Democrats, don't even think of using federal rebuilding money to bring them all back and install them in new public housing, not even if it means that the next election might result in some entrenched black politicians losing their seats. Contrary to what Ray Nagin said, New Orleans does not have to be a "Chocolate city" at the end of the day. I think that a safe, productive and genuinely diverse city with a majority of people who work for a living would be better.

4. Don't loot. If it's not yours, keep your hands off it. And if you do lot and the police shoot you, well you had it coming.

Bottom line: You saw what happened the last time. We all remember. You were, with few exceptions, the most dependent children of the state that this country has ever seen and you brought shame upon America with the way that you acted. Now many of you are back in the Crescent City again and you may get another dousing like Katrina gave you. I just want to be the first American to let you know that this time, it's all on you. Don't come around me with your hands out and mouths open again, because after they way you all acted the last time, you've got nothing coming.

Oh--and this is directed just at the people in New Orleans. We all know how many thousands of other people on the Gulf got hit, too. But being cut from a better cloth, they picked themselves up, rebuilt their homes and businesses, and went on about their lives without demanding that the rest of us give them new TVs, FEMA trailers, and brand new homes in newly-rebuilt neighborhoods back in the same old flood zones. The rest of you just did what you needed to and you'll have my support this time around if you need it. But New'd better have Ray Nagin and Sean Penn on speed dial, because if you call me again, I'm not answering.

Signed: The taxpayers and working people of America.


  1. Uh, they don't have to stay in Texas - we've still got enough from last time...

  2. Why do you hate Texas so much?? haha

  3. Stay the hell out of and away from Texas if you are a New Orleans refuge.

    Hard-working, moral people from Mississippi and areas outside of New Orleans are welcome, as always.

    We're STILL dealing with New Orleans' trash from seven years ago. Don't want any more of it.

    In the meanwhile, what would it take to move the Dems convention to New Orleans, then close the airport and all highways into town?


  4. Ok, ok...Sorry, Texans. Geez...

    I'll agree that you all had a bad hand the last go-around and this time maybe we should evacuate them to a solid blue state, like California or Massachusetts, or, failing that, to someplace like Haiti.

  5. Wow, you sure know how to piss people

  6. I think Chris Christie summed it up well... "Get the HELL off the BEACH!"...

    Dann in Ohio

  7. I know my fellow Texans have already made their point, but as a permanent resident of Houston, I speak for all of us here when I tell you politely and with all due respect, to STFU. :-) Even with a liberal mayor, our famous Houston hospitality has reached the breaking point, even this many years later.

    So to all those in NOLA thinking about heading west...

    /In best Soup Nazi voice:/


  8. I went to help rebuild NO 3 times after Katrina with my church. I vowed to myself that if it happens again, they'll not see me try to help. I got tired of being on the roof doing repairs while able-bodied men sat on their front porch drinking a 40.

  9. Amen. Well...except for the "stay in Texass" part. Those who come here actively seeking a way to get off of the public dime and get back on their feet, our doors are open. Those expecting a free handout will get exactly that....a hand ushering them out the door.

  10. Let the damn city sink... And no don't send em to Texas, send em to NYC. Boston, and LA...

  11. Murph, this one needs to go viral. Accordingly, I have e-mailed the link to my regulars in the e-mail chain.

  12. Hey... I'm IN Texas and we have room for PRODUCTIVE HARD WORKING PEOPLE but we sure didn't need all those zeros that came here last time.. robbing, killing, raping and we sure don't need them again.

    Yea, send them to Haiti or maybe Cuba as reverse boat people. I'd even settle for Gitmo.

    Maybe talk to Rick Perry about that. We might not be able to stop illegals from waltzing in but maybe we could just close the LA to Texas border for a few days and keep U.S.citizens out.

    Strangely that might even be legal.

  13. HAHAHA

    Boy, those Texans sure chimed in quick!

  14. I dunno, I think it might be a good idea for some folks to stay - and for charity to be given to them. That is, hard-working, well-armed, well-prepared homeowners to stay, and for some of us to send an ammo run down their way while they help the waters flush the filth out of the city.

    After all, no few residents proved that "Don't loot" applies to all interested parties, whether or not they have a policeman's uniform on.