Monday, September 24, 2012

Massachusetts Man Wets Pants Over Found Gun

And you wonder why this one state consistently elects nutless girlymen like John Kerry, Barney Frank and Ted Kennedy to office. Well if Alberto Pina of Roxbury is representative of the citizenry there, then it's crystal clear: It's because they're all nutless losers.

Read this story: Fisherman reels in a handgun

Simply put, a guy goes fishing. His hook snags a handgun out of the water. The pistol is clearly non-funtional due to marine growth but still, it's a handgun.
“I reeled in a gun,” Pina said, still hyperventilating as he described his catch more than an hour later. “To pull something like that out of the water is extremely dangerous. I didn’t want my son to see something like that, but he did. Horrible,” Pina said. “When I pulled it up, I dropped it over at the pier. I didn’t dare to touch it.”
So what does Mr. Massachusetts Metrosexual do? Well by his own words, he hyperventilates. He panics. He laments the fact that his son might have seen it. And then he calls a press conference.

He also called the police, but not before going on Facebook and Twitter to figure out what he should do, per his own blog article on the find.
I pulled my rod upward with all my strength to hook the “fish” and then reeled it in with a big smile on my big face. When I pulled it up, it was this weird shaped object. I couldn't recognize at the first sight but then as I brought it closer, I realized I had just caught a gun. Surprised! Confused! Upset! I was trying to figure out how to deal with new catch. After a Facebook posting and Twitter update, I decided to notify the Boston Police.
Now had I found such a thing, I'd have been calm and even happy, and it'd be undergoing restoration and repair as we speak. But one thing that you would not see was me hyperventilating and wringing my hands like some effeminate Nancy-boy and bemoaning the state of the world. And I'm offended that he's allowed to vote and that his vote counts as much as mine does. This guy makes me feel sad for America and for men in general.

But at least now I know why Massachusetts elects the losers that they do. Get ready for Senator Warren, everybody.

Oh, and Alberto? Grow a pair, guy. If you come unglued when you merely see a firearm, I hate to think what you do when you break a nail or get a run in your stocking.


  1. Just imagine the state of his trousers had he reeled in an "assault rifle".

  2. He took his sons to an exhibit that highlights nature's killing birds.

    Then he proceeds to kill several fish in front of his sons.

    But he suffers PSH when he reels in a firearm that doesn't even look functional at that point?

    The detectives decided to take the gun with them but I’m still confused. As one of the walk by me, I asked again, “Is it a real?” “No, but it was good for you to call out of precaution”, he said and proceed to walk with his crew.

    Perhaps it wasn't real and all this non-sense could have been avoid if an adult male had basic knowledge of firearms.

    Geeessh -- no wonder so many kids are growing up so screwed up. Their parents are twisting them that way -- It is okay for Daddy to kill a fish but it isn't okay to touch a toy gun.

  3. OH MY GOD!
    I can't believe this. What a A** wipe. Maybe we should send him a box of Depends.

  4. LOL, yep, third world country up there...

  5. Some of the comments on that story are really amusing.

  6. Wow, is that how low the male as sunk to in the liberal states?

    They hyperventilate and wet their pants.

    If I'd caught such I'd presume it was a murder gun thrown away by some killer.

    Still I'd have looked it over real good and called the cops (unless it was a stainless Python.. then I dunno what I'd have done.

  7. Granted, the guy sounds like the perfect pantywaist product of the hoplophobe culture, but he basically did the right thing (not counting the hyperbole and hyperventilating stuff). NRA's Eddie Eagle essential teaches the same.

    Now, if this guy had been like us, he'd have grasped it firmly, keeping the muzzle in a safe direction, dropped the magazine and pulled the slide/cleared the chamber.

    The story might could have a happy ending yet, if 1) a Bay State shooting sports enthusiast/NRA instructor could reach out to the guy and say "Dude, you really looked like a weenie in front of your kid - how about joining me Saturday morning at the range? I'll show you the basics of safe firearm handling and shooting." or 2) the manufacturer could get ahold of the handgun, vat it for a couple of days or put it in a fluidized sandbed, check tolerances, re-assemble, and fire it. That'd be some pretty good PR!

  8. I don't think you all understand. Merely seeing the gun could have exposed him to its mind altering rays. Contact by the gun to the skin might have cause his mind to be irreparably altered. He could have even turned into a conservative and started espousing fiscal responsibility and self reliance. Remember, where he is at he has no natural immunity to these things.

  9. Lord above. Advice to that dude: 1) get familiar with the concept of a "complete safe weapon." 2) make that happen when you find a weapon. 3) call the non-emergency police number & wait for the patrol car. 4) give the unloaded, safe weapon & ammo to the cop. 5) go take your kid for a beer & a steak. What happened to this country? sigh.

  10. Yep, I'd say he suffers from acute hoplophobia. Sadly, the America Psychiatric Association is yet to recognize this debilitating disease.