Thursday, October 11, 2012

Zoey Ripple, 2012's Obamagirl

For those of you who don't follow the news from the People's Republic of Boulder in Colorado, Zoey Ripple pled guilty to first-degree criminal trespass charges today, not quite six months after she wandered into the home of a sleeping couple while in a drunken state, confronting them at 3:30AM as they awoke to find her in their bedroom.
Zoey was probably unaware of the fact that the female homeowner was a psychiatrist who was being stalked by a dangerous mental patient, another crazy female who Zoey may well have resembled, especially there in the dark in the victims' bedroom. The stalker threat was one reason why this couple kept a loaded pistol in their bedroom, and when Zoey refused to leave or even stop walking towards them after several warnings, they shot her dumb, drunk ass.

Fortunately, Colorado has a "Make My Day" law which shields law-abiding citizens from prosecution or civil litigation in cases where they act in good faith to defend themselves. This at least means that Zoey cannot run to a cheap awyer and try to further victimize these people by demanding that they pay her money after she pretty much forced them to shoot her.

Today, little Zoey, who had just graduated from some undoubtedly useless course of study at University of Colorado a couple of weeks prior, pled guilty and was handed a sweet-heart deal: an 18-month deferred sentence that means that if she stays out of trouble for the next year and a half, even this felony will be removed from her record.

Now let's look at a few things here that make me think that this plea offering was inappropriate: Zoey, at just 21 years of age, had a BAC of 0.2, which is two and a half times the normal legal limit for driving (0.08). This is also her third arrest, with a prior for shoplifting (also eventually dismissed due to a deferred sentencing agreement) and another unspecified alcohol-related offense. Clearly daddy's little snowflake just isn't getting it. Finally, we see Zoey emerging from the courtroom today not remorseful or apologetic, but now claiming that it wasn't her fault at all because someone else "could have given her a date-rape drug" that might have left her unable to comprehend what she was doing on the night that she walked into the house of two total strangers. Of course she didn't want to go with this at trial but rather stood up in court and formally admitted that she'd done what she was accused of (required for a plea to be accepted) and then with the risk of jail time gone, she ran right out into the hallway, got in front of the cameras, and basically took her plea back by making the claim that it was all probably someone else's fault.

And of course the lawyer that daddy rented, Colette Cribari, stood right there beside her and complained about the way that this makes Zoey look.
"She's been portrayed as this dumb drunk who wandered into someone's house," she said. "This is not who Zoey Ripple is."

Uh, yeah...that's exactly who and what she is; she's a dumb, binge-drinking, responsibility-avoiding spoiled girl who turned an innocent couple's life upside down and who still refuses to acknowledge any responsibility for her actions or the harm that she caused.

Predictably for Boulder, the judge bought it and refused to give her any jail time or even community service.

And as for precious little Zoey (who the hell names a kid "Zoey" anyway?), She hopes to travel to Peru, when she is allowed, to continue working with a program that helps professional development for women.

"I've learned so much from this incident," she said. "I hope this can continue to be a lesson for other people."

Somehow, I'm not thinking that she learned a damned thing. And I'm willing to bet that we read about her in the papers again before too much longer. Kids like her never get it. But sadly, many of them vote, and as she seems to have Obama's ethics to a fault, I have no doubt as to who she'll be voting for in November.


  1. Peru?

    Isn't that where Lori "Not all Muslims are terrorists and not all terrorists are Muslim" Berenson got her own rear end into trouble with the law?

    Hey, if Zoey can manage to stay out of trouble in Peru then she just may have a chance of straightening herself out.

    And if she does get into trouble in Peru, the Peruvian government will administer at least a portion of the discipline that was absent when Zoey's village raised her -- and, more importantly, when the Mom & Pop Ripple (mis)raised her.

    My prediction: Given that Zoey's surname, Ripple, was once the brand name of a declasse ethanol-rich liquid candy product of the E & J Gallo Winery, Zoey really doesn't stand much of a chance.

  2. She's lucky to be alive.

  3. Given her history, you wonder why anyone would bother with a "date rape" drug.

    Notice the home owners weren't there? No victim statements at the sentencing hearing. Ah well, it is Boulder County.

  4. Date rape drug. Right. And I'm a size zero. She blew a 2.0? Sorry, he must have slipped the micky in my 10th beer.

    Daddy is just trying to protect the honor she probably gave up after 8 tequila shots with the high school footbal team.

    She's only lucky in the homeowner didn't have a good sight picture.

  5. You people are fuckIng judgmental assholes who base lousy opinions on pretty much zero evidence. YoUge never got fuckING drunk? Bullshit.

  6. She'll be dead in two years... sigh...

  7. Oh, she learned plenty...none it will benefit society, but heh...

  8. Hey Temple, you sure have a dirty mouth for being named after a building of worship. And sadly, you undermined your own message by acting like that. Ray Bradbury would not approve, Temple.

    But in answer to your question, yes, I have been "drunk" before. However it was something that I did to myself, and I never tried to duck responsibility for anything that I said or did while in that state, not that there was much to worry about, since I also always made sure that I had a ride home and that I didn't get so trashed that I could not function. That's called "maturity" and it's apparently something that both Zoey and you lack. But good luck with your life, youung fella.

  9. Temple - Been drunk, too. But still knew that other people's homes were other people's homes. And if I HAD trespassed in that state and been shot it would have been MY OWN FAULT. It would have been the consequence of my behavior. She should be grateful she's alive and apologizing profusely to the people whose home she invaded. She owes them big time for disrupting their lives like she has.

  10. Advice to the couple that had a gun due to a stalker.. next time get a SHOTGUN. After all you were WARNED a stalker might threaten you.

    And for 'Obamagirl', the advice is your attitude guarantees you will come to more grief but don't pull that stuff in TEXAS... they will not just wound you here.

    Hope for Change in 2012.

  11. She's lucky she's not DEAD! I love my margaritas, but I've never been drunk enough (dumb enough) to break into someone else's home. How drunk ARE these people!!?

  12. If she's mobile with a BAC of .20, she is most likely an alcoholic. That is way past falling down drunk for normal people.