Monday, February 24, 2014

Ding, Dong, da Dork is Done.

Once upon a time, there lived in Britain a pompous twit named Pierce Morgan who thought that he could fly to America and tell us all what we were doing wrong as he opined on American culture and politics despite knowing very little about either aspect of this great nation of ours.

He moved into some nice digs in Manhattan, part of one of America's cities that least reflects real America, and started spouting off.

Americans in general were less than impressed right off the bat to have a foreigner editorializing on things that affect America as if he were some kind of expert, and Pierce proved his skeptics right when he decided to crown himself the new moral potentate on guns and gun rights.

Pierce, you see, came from a little island nation whose government disarmed it's people and called it good as violent crime skyrocketed year after year following that action. Criminals can still get guns in Britain rather easily and even those who don't bother fell much safer attacking other people knowing that the average law-abiding victim will not be armed and able to shoot them. And despite this rather predictable result of the Crown's actions, Pierce decided that we in America should follow his country down that rat-hole and he began touting that philosophy in a rather crass and boorish manner, insulting American gun owners personally and cheerleading for Barry Obama every time that gun-hater did or said something against lawful gun owners. And it wasn't long before gun owners started turning the channel on Pierce Morgan and CNN in droves.

But our foreign "guest" didn't get the message. Sure of himself as our intellectual superior, Morgan insisted on numerous televised debates against Second Amendment supporters, secure in his ability to bully and talk over anyone that he disagreed with. However, most of these people came armed with actual facts which they used to trump his emotional rhetoric and they stood up to him when he tried to bully them. In short, guest after guest took his lunch money and punked him in front of the rest of his viewers, and this happened so much that he finally lost any remaining credibility even among the chattering class of kool-aid drinkers that tend to agree with him on such things. He failed them by failing to defend their common belief and they ultimately abandoned him, too. CNN's ratings when his show came on dropped to the bottom of the list and CNN realized that there was no unringing that bell so they gave the funny-talking fat man the boot.

America is fed up with me: Morgan to quit CNN job

The air already seems a little cleaner this morning, and the spirit of American Freedom resonates a bit more forcefully today.

See ya, Pierce. Don't let the airport door hit ya on the way home. And if you want to be a guy and try to make even some sort of amends, take your fellow poncey whiner Andrew Sullivan with you.

"MURICA! Eff yeah!" I'm giving the dogs an extra cookie this morning just because it's a greAT DAY.


  1. Great article on Pierce. But, we want to know how you REALLY feel.......On second thought, wise not to post THAT. The censors at NSA would object.

  2. The biggest thing wrong with Morgan is that he took this long to get the message. But then, no one ever claimed he was that intelligent, except him.

  3. Morgan is a legend in his own mind. And only there.

  4. Anonymous1:07 PM

    Comrade Misfit,
    The Guardian often has some rather painfully accurate comments...he's the sort of British TV personality that No One likes, but is too polite to say anything about.