(GTFO News) In a stunning late-night escape, Barack Obama, his wife, his mother-in-law and his illegal aunt and uncle all boarded Marine One and fled in the face of an arrest warrant related to a secret investigation of charges that he "willfully and knowingly destroyed the American economy and our standing in the Free World". The escape was made so quickly that Eric Holder and Reggie Love were still standing on the White House lawn, surrounded by their own luggage, when arresting officers arrived and took them into custody.
Marine One quickly removed the Obamas to Andrews Air Force Base, where they ran for the boarding ladder of a running Malaysian Airlines left, which then took off, reportedly on a flight plan for the Obamas' native Kenya. Air Force jets were scrambled to bring it back but apparently all radar contact was lost with this Malaysian Airlines jet somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean. A search party is being assembled but due to lack of volunteers, progress is slow.
When awakened and given the news by his own Secret Service detail, Vice President Biden was reportedly puzzled for a few moments, but then his eyes lit up. "My turn!" he exclaimed. "I get to be President now!"
At his point, his Secret Service detail laughed and informed him that the Democrat leadership had just met with the Republicans and the United Nations in one big emergency meeting and everyone pretty much agreed that America and the world would be better served with just about anyone else picked at random off the street and the Bidens were given an hour to get their stuff out of government housing.
No one even bothered waking John Boehner, but his neighbors also report a U-Haul truck in his driveway this morning and the sound of much sobbing from inside the house.
Representatives from MSNBC have not been available for comment this morning. Their office windows are allegedly all covered by black curtains and no one answers the door. People who have knocked report the strong smell of purple koolaid in the air.
At noon EST, President Chuck Norris is expected to be sworn in. World peace and prosperity will begin at 12:30, followed by a reception on the White House lawn.
Oh yeah...it's April First, but admit it--just for a second, you entertained the delicious thought that it was real and you smiled.