Not a good week for Barky, is it? Wikileaks just dumped a third batch of US classified documents into the wind after the Obama Administration largely ignored the last two releases of our proprietary information. Only now, unlike the last two times, Obama is upset. What's the difference, you ask? Well let's look at that. The first two releases of classified information that was stolen by traitor Bradley Manning, then a US Army intelligence analyst in Irag, mainly just exposed military secrets, including operational assessments, tactical plans and the names of Iraqi and Afghani citizens who were cooperating with us and trying to put their countries back on stable ground. Now those people and their families are all at risk--and some have reportedly been killed--but Obama was tacitly ok with that because, I suspect, in his view it only further damaged the military and the Bush administration, and Obama has never considered those to be part of "his" America. But this recent leak of over 250,000 State Department cables has embarrassed his administration and harmed his government's credibility, so now suddenly he wants something done about it. He was apparently perfectly content to let Wikileaks harm other Americans or our working partners, but when the fire finally reached his palace...
And we also have Obama trying to further divide Americans and turn us against each other by proposing a two-year freeze on the cost-of-living increases for all federal civilian employees. He claims that this is necessary due to the trillion-dollar deficit that we face this year--caused 100% by his spending programs--and he's hoping that the contempt that many Americans feel towards those who work for the government will somehow help make him look like a fighter and a careful steward of our money for once in his pathetic life.
Of course he isn't proposing to freeze hiring new employees. No, he'll keep on doing that in his quest for a large Borg-collective government that controls everything. He'll just deny the existing employees a 1.4% COLA and pretend that he's slashing spending all while adding thousands more people to the federal payroll.
All right. It's time for Barky to step aside. He's proven again that he's dangerously out of touch and incompetent. It's time for a new leader--one who can make the right choices and see America through to good times again. It's time to elect ME.
That's right. Me. I'll do it. Give me just a week and watch what I'll do to fix both of these problems.
First of all, I will call my entire CIA in. They will be given their marching orders: Deal with Wikileaks. Their offices will burn. Their computers will fry and their bank accounts will disappear. Every employee of that company will die an "accidental" death within 72 hours. And Julian Assange, the head of it all? No one will ever see him again or find his body. The whole outfit will be erased from the earth as an example of our willingness to defend our affairs and a warning to anyone else considering similar attacks against us. I'll probably seize the New York Times and lock it's anti-American editor Bill Keller up, too.
Oh--and Bradly Manning, the traitor? He'd be thrown up against a wall and shot on live television come the very next dawn and his body bulldozed into a landfill. Heck, I might even be the guy pulling the trigger.
No quarter for our enemies, even those who live among us. That'll be my motto.
And then the federal pay issue. I will not deny the federal workers their COLA. I will, in fact, increase by 10% the pay of all necessary federal employees, namely those employed in law enforcement, the federal courts, and those working as stewards of our federal lands. I'll give our military heroes an even bigger boost. And then I'll eliminate the rest of the federal workforce altogether. Whole departments will disappear within a week. HUD, Education, Agriculture, Labor, Health and Human Services, TSA...all will be shut down, their employees furloughed, and their buildings and equipment sold or turned over to the states. You want real savings? You'll have 'em, right here.
Now if you think that that stuff's radical, just wait until you see what I'd do in the next week when I get around to dealing with illegal immigration.
Ah well...we'll just have to wait a bit. Sadly, it seems that a majority of the voters preferred Obama over me this past election. But had you all just written me in...