Sunday, July 31, 2011

When art imitates (or predicts) life

Today's Dilbert comic reminded me of something.

This comic reminded me of my own neighbor, a redneck who has boasted that his "survival plan" for bad times is to walk up on other people with a .25 automatic pistol hidden in his hand with the intent of coming away with their survival supplies.

Yep. He's actually said it, and he's joked about it a couple of times since in my hearing as he and his drinking buddies hoot and holler and swill cheap beer out on his driveway every Friday night.

He's also asked me what my plans are on at least one occasion, and I've told him that I don't worry about such things.

Of course I don't worry because I have plenty of food, water, batteries, bottled gas and other things stockpiled in a rotation system that keeps them from going bad. I also don't worry about him because now that I know of his plans, I have a range card made up for my M60 that will put rounds right on the only path through the woods between his property and mine. Another neighbor just down the road--a squared-away friend whom I trust enough to discuss such matters with--also now has the redneck's house covered as well as the road between the redneck's place and his number one pal's house. Should an actual emergency survival situation occur, the moment that either one of them appears with anything in their hands more menacing than a bouquet of flowers will be an interesting and noisy moment indeed here in Upper Dogpatch.

Now that's not to say that I or my "normal neighbor" as (I like to call him) are averse to visitors or loathe to help our decent neighbors in bad times. To the contrary, several of you who read this know where I live and are welcome here and encouraged to stop by if times get that bad. However, the point cannot be overlooked that, in bad times, there really are those who plan to do you and I and everyone else harm, either because it's easier than making their own preparations or because they're just bad people. Consequently, part of any proper survival plan should include contingency plans for dealing with such people when and if they appear, as they undoubtedly will, given enough time. This should include getting at least a rough idea as to who your neighbors are and who else might wind up in your neighborhood if and when things get too bad in their own. And you should also make it a point to stay low profile. Other than my blog readers--most of whom don't know where I live--very few people know what I have in my gun room. The rednecks definitely don't know and hopefully never will. This means having to forego firing a belt of tracer ammo into the sky in New Years Eve, but better that then telling every neighbor for two miles that I have that sort of firepower here, including the 20 year old punk down the street who is known to be a burglar and a thief even when times are good. It also means not advertising the fact that I have enough food and supplies to keep me and my dog and an invited guest or two fed and warm for a couple of months if need be. If people don't know that you have it, they won't be begging you for it or trying to take it once the lights go out and the stores are empty.


  1. Can I come watch you lay down a warning line in front of the guy if he starts for your house? His expression would be priceless.

  2. What is this "warning line" that you speak of? When the balloon goes up, the gloves come off and all rounds will be fired for effect.

  3. I figured since there was zero chances he'd succeed that there was entertainment value in scaring the bejabbers out of him.

  4. Alas, Babylon... remember what happened to the carjackers? Sounds like a plan to me.

    If I make it as far as Harper's Ferry, will you guide me in to the Lair? I'll bring wine. :-)