Wednesday, October 02, 2013

It's been a year.

It's been a year to the day since my father passed away after a tough bout with lung cancer. A whole year already.

I still miss him and think about him every day. I miss our regular phone calls, especially the ones every Sunday night. I even miss all of the e-mails I'd get from him, many of them about things debunked as urban legends or on-line hoaxes months or years prior. Somehow these things, no matter how thoroughly discredited, would still somehow get to him, only to be sent immediately on to me and dozens of other people. He sent me several of them a day for years, and I eventually gave up trying to explain to him that some things that pop up on your computer just aren't true and really shouldn't be sent back out to everyone that you know.

I miss those stupid e-mails.

But what I really miss is the opportunities lost. There were so many things that we'd wanted to do together but for one reason or another, had put off. We never took his new motorhome on a get-away together. We never made that Alaska trip that we'd talked about for years. The timing just wasn't right any time we talked about such things. "There'll be another time," one of us always said. And then one day, there wasn't any more time. Suddenly he was too sick to do anything. And then he was gone.

I made as many trips back up to see him as I could in the last few months. That's why I got the airplane. But by then, we really couldn't do much more than sit around his back porch, or maybe go out for breakfast. I'd give anything for just one more week together down here at my place, drinking beer and playing cribbage on my deck as the fall colors change. Or just one more Tigers game. We never even went to their "new" stadium together. So many things left undone, and still so many things left unsaid, even though we both knew that the time was drawing near.

I love you, Pop. I never said that enough.

My father.
January 7, 1942 to October 2, 2012.

15 comments:

  1. Been 5 years since I lost my Dad. Feel many of the same things. Thoughts are with you. God bless both of you!

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  2. Yeah. It's like that. And it sucks.

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  3. 2 1/2 years since my Dad passed. And ... yeah. Me, too.

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  4. I know from where you speak, my friend.

    God Bless.

    gfa

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  5. In two days, it will have been 10 years since I lost my mom. In 12 days, it will have been 10 years since my dad joined her (he was diagnosed with lung cancer the day after her funeral). The daily pain is easier to live with but the anniversaries never get any easier... My thoughts & prayers are with you.

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  6. Lost mine to cancer back in '09. It sucks. Prayin for ya, bro.

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  7. I still have mine. Although we have our moments I love him and hope he is around for a long time. Even though he still calls me "kid".

    I'm sorry my friend.

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  8. Yes, the anniversary (for me, both Hebrew calendar and secular calendar) really does something to you. Combination of grief, nostalgia, and profound gratitude for all he gave to you. And above all, love!

    I know that my Dad would want me to be strong and carry on; yours no doubt had similar sentiment during his lifetime.

    We can't bring our fathers back, but we can persevere to conduct our lives and affairs in a manner worthy of the men who did so much for us.

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  9. I'm lucky enough that my dad is still here, and near enough that I get to see him fairly often.

    He sends me all of those same e-mails, though.

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  10. Thoughts and prayers...

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  11. God Blessed you highly, ML. There are many in this world who would give almost anything to have a relationship with their Dad like you had with yours. I am among those.

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  12. Been 4 years this week since I lost my Dad too. This was also the first year my Mom could not remember for sure. I am not sure which is worse.

    Enough of me. I am sorry you have this same anniversary in October.

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  13. My dad has been gone since 2002.
    i understand the empty.

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  14. February of 2010. Still hurts. I think it always will.

    You have my prayers Murph.

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