Thief has a pressing date with Justice.

Well here's one way to get down to a Size 5.

Sometimes Karma hits the stupid and dishonest people so hard that it hurts to watch. And in this instance, my sides ache from laughing so hard.

DELTA TWP. - "It was a fairly minor crime with a fairly major consequence."

Those were the words of Eaton County Undersheriff Fred McPhail, describing a series of events Monday morning that led from the theft of less than $500 worth of children's clothing to a woman being crushed in a trash compactor.

Police were called at about 10:15 a.m. Monday by an employee of the Goodwill Store on West Saginaw Highway who said a woman was screaming, stuck inside the trash compactor, which was on at the time. The compactor is located behind the store.

That woman, Tyree Monique Tate, 26 of Delta Township, was extracted and transported to a nearby hospital, where she died Tuesday morning. Preliminary autopsy reports list the cause of death as multiple crush injuries.

Tate and the other woman, whom McPhail said is Tate's sister, took children's clothing valued at less than $500, police said. Police have not recovered the merchandise.

"It's probably one of the most unusual things I've heard about in my 20-plus years of law enforcement, and a tragic one at that," McPhail said.

At 9:54 a.m., police received a call advising them of a shoplifting in progress at a TJ Maxx store in the Lansing Mall.

Two women had fled from TJ Maxx after spraying a store security officer in the face with a pepper spray to get away, according to Michael Cook, general manager of the mall.

The two crossed Saginaw Highway to the Goodwill store. They stopped at the store's large, green trash compactor, designed to be fed from the store's rear loading dock.

McPhail said it appears Tate ignored the multiple "Keep Out" signs and climbed into the compactor, which was not on at the time. The sister was found hiding near the compactor, and tried to run from police toward a nearby Meijer store but was quickly arrested, he said.

The sister was uncooperative and told police she barely knew Tate - and only by her street name, Diamond - and didn't know where she was, McPhail said.

At the same time, a Goodwill employee turned the compactor on to use it.

"I think it's very likely that if she had told police where her sister was, they would have arrested (Tate) and she wouldn't have been crushed," McPhail said. "I'm sure that she's agonizing over that decision, being her sister."

Employees at TJ Maxx and Goodwill declined to comment, deferring to corporate spokespeople, who did not return calls seeking comment.

Tate's sister was released, McPhail said, pending further investigation. He said a warrant for her arrest will likely be issued after prosecutors have decided which charges to bring against her.

Pity they can't charge the surviving sister with being a dumbass. Actually the only thing better than her actually helping skoosh her sister by refusing to tell the police that she was in the compactor would have been if she'd hidden in there too.

Call me a meanie, but the world didn't lose anything with one thief taken out and it could only have benefited even more from the removal of the second one from the gene pool. As you may have guessed, I have no sympathy for people who steal, especially those who assault others in the process. I also don't care for scumbags who run from or lie to the police and it's kinda fitting that this thief got her just desserts because her own sister decided to "go thug" and refused to tell the police that she was hiding in the trash masher.

Kinda gives new meaning to the term "Garbage in, garbage out", doesn't it?

But there I go, laughing again.

Special thanks to Retread Ranger for bringing this one to my attention.