In the "Girls with Guns" department, at a bar one night, I found Dre.
Not only does she have tattoos of guns permanently on her bod, but they're a couple of my favorites, the Thompson SMG and the Browning Automatic Rifle.
In the past few weeks I've taken her out to get a new handgun--she got a Smith and Wesson M&P Shield in .45--and we've hit the range a time or two. She really loves my S&W M&P 15-22...and I mean to the point where I have to check the safe every night to make sure that it's still here.
Even in New Orleans, it's still possible to find a decent gun gal every now and again, a refreshing change from all of the wanna-be Antifa kids who are running around asking where to get guns and body armor these days. (I usually tell them that they needn't worry...come that day, the guns will come along and find them. Not surprisingly, a lot of them grin because they don't get it. But they'll figure it out in the end. (Smile and wait for the flash, kiddoes.)
Just for those wondering what I do when I'm not at my day job or chasing the dogs around, I have a side-job at a couple of clubs nearby, and this job takes my into contact with some people who, I must confess, I'd likely not have associated with up in West Virginia. Two of them just got flown to London, all expenses paid, to be back-up dancers for this goofy little singer here as he performed live on the Graham Norton show the other night. And while his music and style isn't quite my thing at all, his taste in dancers is definitely above average.
These gals, who come on-stage at 1:10 and go back off around 3:45, are friends of mine, particularly the taller one in the red corset, who is a good friend indeed, not only of me but of Murphy and Belle...in fact I'll be picking her up from the airport in a few hours. They are two of the reasons that I'm not posting as much as I used to. But can you blame me?
Now go roll some Lynyrd Skynyrd or Hoyt Axton to get that foofy music outta your head.
So this past week, my job sent me to Atlanta. I knew I'd be busy during the day but figured that come evening, I could catch up on some backlogged blogging.
No such luck. My work laptop immediately crashed and ceased to function as soon as I got there, and my iPad refused to connect to the hotel's wifi no matter what I tried.
So it was another blogless week.
I got back yesterday, and after the long drive, I needed to hustle off to my part-time job.
After "work", I was called out to another show as special guest of the producer, so there was no gracefully dodging that one.
By the time I was heading home, even some of the security guards on Bourbon Street had apparently had enough.
I got home around 3AM and slept well until I had to get up to attend a crawfish boil for lunch. It was raining and we were outside in it, but crawfish. Some things are worth getting wet for.
This, for those of you not from around here, is a crawfish, cooked and ready to eat. (And it was tasty.)
And of course while I was gone, the dogs apparently deposed me, as I came home to find both of them comfortably ensconced on my living room furniture, with Murphy on my couch and Belle in my chair. Per the dog sitter, they've been doing it all week and she didn't think to wonder if they were supposed to or not. They've always snuck and done it, but now they're being totally brazen about it, at least until the corrections begin.
But today was a new day, and Bourbon Street was back to normal.
OK, those people here who know my understand that I an a proud Luddite and that, with the exception of my computer for internet access, I typically eschew anything more technologically advanced than a cassette player. Honestly, I'm of the opinion that everything that society might ever really need was already invented back in the 1970's and anything more modern is like First-World felgercarb that we can all get along without.
Seriously, when Skynet becomes self-aware in a few years and starts knocking the human race off, it's gonna have to work pretty hard to even find my ass, much less smoke it.
But recently, a coupe of dents got hammered into my anti-technological defense as I won an iPad in a workplace raffle, much to the amusement of those around me who laughed uproariously and said things like: "You don't even know what an iPad is, do you?"
(And yes, I did know what an iPad did...right after I found a computer and Googled it.)
I also got one of them there iPhones. (An iPhone 5, thank you very much.) I can thank my friend Tom for hooking me up not only with the iPhone but with a wireless router that connects the iPhone and iPad to my iComputer so long as iLeave it alone and don't monkey with the settings or press any of the buttons.
This is kinda handy, because now I can read e-mails in bed and and flip through Kindle books like Peter's great e-book, Take the Star Road. <--Shameless plug, but worthy of it. Go read it, people. I can even use this thing called "Netflix" to watch old episodes of Dr. Who and Miami Vice.
However, it's also recently opened the door to a young lady that I met recently whom I'll refer to as CST, which is short for "Crazy Stalker Chick".
She's the one who actually installed her Netflix thing on my iPad so I could give it a try. The only problem is that as soon as I started watching anything, she'd text me to tell me that she knew what I was watching.
OK, that stuff's creepy enough, but then there's the texts in general from her--texts that have got me hiding from the iPhone now. She'll send me a text pretty much any time of the day or night, and if I don't reply immediately, she'll send a second asking why I'm ignoring her, and then a third where she gets all miffed. This can happen any time, and I'm almost afraid to even glance at my phone now lest I have another stack of messages from her in that format.
I've solved part of this by uninstalling her Netflix info and re-installing my own (because I haven't finished watching all of the Miami Vice episodes yet) but I haven't figured out how to stop the texts and what I have to say to her about this is not the sort of thing that a gentleman says back via text. In other words, when I kick this one to the curb, it's going to be in person, not via a text or e-mail. She's cute and funny, but it's only been a couple of weeks and already the manias are becoming apparent in this one so I'm going to put a stop to it before she breaks in here and starts boiling live rabbits in my kitchen.
But this still begs the question, which I'll pose to you more electronically-savvy types: Is there some sort of screen or filter that I can set up that identifies and blocks out crazy chicks? If not, someone needs to make one, because this technology makes it way too easy for them to bring their drama into your personal space 24/7.
I'm thinking that it's time to ditch the fancy cell phone and internet and just go back to a landline phone and a few newspaper subscriptions like civilized people have.
She had me when I learned that she does her own brake jobs...sigh.
Oh--and she has a German Shepherd dog, too. If she shoots and will promise never to vote for a Democrat, I might just marry her...and put her through AP school so I can get cheap annuals on the Cessna.
The Union Bar in Iowa City has earned my thanks, and the thanks of every red-blooded heterosexual male in America by virtue of their decision to keep Jordan Ramos from dancing on their bar. Of course she's holding press conferences and hinting about suing sue now because they told her that she was "too fat" and "not pretty enough" to get up on the bar and dance.
While this doesn't sound like the sort of place that I'd choose to hang out in, I have to admit that if I were in such a place, the last thing that I'd want to see was a Rosie O'Donnell look-alike shaking it in my face. And I think that it's reasonable to expect that in bars like that, that the women who are put in front of the customers as entertainers, be they paid staff or enthusiastic amateurs, actually be women that guys want to look at.
Hey Jordan, since you're in college, you might want to take a class or two on business and maybe you'll learn that businesses are in business to make money, not to validate your feelings or puff your self-esteem. They don't make money by grossing out the customers, so instead of suing or whining to the papers, how about trying an aerobic class for a few months and Slim-Fast instead of Big Macs. You might be surprised to find out that if you lost some weight and toned up those flabby arms a bit, you'd be allowed and even encouraged to dance in front of the guys. Not a sermon...just a suggestion.
FAIRBANKS — A North Pole area woman is accused of trying to kick down the door and firing a pistol into the air outside her former boyfriend’s house Wednesday night.
Diana M. Andre, 25, faces misdemeanor charges of criminal trespass and weapons misconduct.
About 7:27 p.m., her ex-boyfriend called troopers to report Andre was outside his house on the 1900 block of Wallace Court. Her 8-year-old son also was there with what looked like a rifle, he said. Her ex-boyfriend called troopers from a neighbor’s house because he said Andre sent him a threatening message after he turned down a lunch invitation, according to the criminal complaint against Andre.
Troopers later found Andre at another North Pole area home because one of the phone calls to her ex matched a land line.
She told troopers she fired the shots because her ex-boyfriend had threatened her. She gave troopers a Glock .27-caliber semi-automatic pistol she said she had used.
She appeared intoxicated and later registered a breath-alcohol content of 0.275 using a preliminary breath-alcohol test, troopers said.
And here she is, in all of her Myspace glory: Wow--a gal with a house messier than mine who can function with a BrAC of almost 0.30, and she appreciates Glocks. Where do I find a woman like that? No, seriously--someone tell me, because I want to stay along way away from that place.
So yesterday in my travels, as I pass through a drive-thru to pick up a caffeinated beverage, I see in my mirror a lady getting into her car a short distance away. She sets her own beverage atop her roof, opens her car door, gets in, then closes her door and starts her engine. Surely she remembers the drink that she just set up on the roof, right?
She backs up about three feet, then hits her brakes. The drink topples over and cascades down her rear window.
So today, courtesy of a mutual friend, I was introduced to a young, attractive single gal who allegedly loves running and dogs. "Perhaps my luck is starting to change," I thought.
Then she showed up. Wearing a "Free Mumia abu Jamal" T-shirt.
So this afternoon, while waiting to take care of some business in a government office, I happen to strike up a conversation with a pretty woman who is also waiting. We chat. We laugh. She's witty, personable, a bit flirty...and did I mention pretty? I got her name. We talked a bit more, I found out that we've both spent some time in the same cities over the years and that she's a local business professional who loves German Shepherds. So then I asked her out tonight.
THAT is when I found out that she's married.
Granted, she had a ring on, but it was under the jacket she was holding and I couldn't see it.
Much as I enjoyed that half an hour, I'm thinking that there needs to be a law where a gal has to let a guy know within a minute or two if she's married or otherwise seeing someone, or maybe there needs to be some sort of unmistakable visible marker...like an "x" on the forehead if they're off the market.
When a burly ex-convict forced his way into a posh Florida home last week, he had no idea what awaited him -- a 25-year-old beauty queen with a pink .38-caliber handgun.
Meghan Brown, a former Florida pageant queen, shot and killed 42-year-old Albert Franklin Hill during a home invasion March 12 at the 2,732-square-foot house she shares with her fiance in Tierra Verde, Fla.
Hill barged into the home at around 3 a.m. after Brown responded to a knock at the front door, according to a police report. He allegedly grabbed the 110-pound Brown around her nose and mouth and dragged her to an upstairs bedroom.
The woman’s fiance, Robert Planthaber, said in an interview that he was quickly awakened by the altercation and ran to Brown’s side.
"I attacked him and took a severe beating to the head," Planthaber told FoxNews.com. "But I got him off of her long enough for her to scramble to the room where she keeps her pink .38 special.”
Brown, who reigned as the 2009 Miss Tierra Verde, snatched her gun from a nearby bedroom and shot the suspect several times – hitting him in the chest, groin, thigh and back, her fiance said. Hill was pronounced dead at the scene.
Panthaber, a 42-year-old arborist, said he believes he and his fiancee were targeted because of their wealth. He claimed a pizza delivery man and possible accomplice staked out the home for three months before Hill attempted to burglarize it.
“We live in a very prominent area and my fiancee wears a $60,000 engagement ring,” he said. “The pizza man knew we had money because sometimes we needed change for a $100 bill when he came to deliver pizza.”
Hill had a criminal record stretching back nearly three decades -- including arrests for burglary, battery, drug possession and grand theft. He reportedly served a 13-year prison term in 1987 and was released in September after serving a fourth term behind bars.
Detectives with the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Robbery/Homicide Unit are still investigating the crime but believe the motive was robbery, according to local press reports. They say they haven’t yet determined the relationship, if any, Hill had with the couple. A police report said the ex-convict demanded money before the altercation between Hill and Panthaber ensued.
Panthaber, meanwhile, said he and his fiancee are lucky to be alive. He said he purchased the pink handgun for Brown last Christmas and that the two had gone to target practice together.
“She was not a good shot at the range,” he quipped.
This story just goes to show that guns are good and desirable for the simple reason that they allow even the most demure little ladies to triumph over big, bad ex-cons who mean to do them harm...and it doesn't matter if the gun is pink so long as the owner has the knowledge and the will to use it.
Good job, Meghan. Now if you're in the market for a new man, one who won't send you to see who's at the door at 3AM, e-mail me.
I seem to have struck a nerve with yesterday's post on the poor little rich kids who flock to Israel to involve themselves--on the wrong side, of course--in the Palestinian Troubles.
The last day and a half, I've been deluged with comments--mostly obscene--in support of the Palestinian terrorists. Many were nothing more than propaganda screeds accusing the Israeli Defense Force (IDF) of practically every crime from genocide to kidnapping the Lindbergh baby.
Many of them have called me a "coward" too, and I can't figure that one out. I mean, it's not like I was challenged to fight and refused, and it's not like any of these critics--most of whom I suspect are using school computers or those in their parents' houses--are actually fighting in any real capacity. Anyway...
I have to admit that it shames me to see fellow Americans--even spoiled and clueless young ones--acting as if the Israelis are the bad guys and the Hamas terrorists in Gaza are some sort of noble heroes. There are numerous big differences between the two, and since it's obviously not clear to at least some people, I'll try to highlight a few.
1. The IDF is an actual military force comprised of citizen-soldiers fighting on behalf of the People of Israel and taking orders from a democratically-elected government--one that even lets Palestinians, Arabs, and other non-Jews vote in it's national elections. They wear uniforms and there's no doubt as to who they are. The Hamas terrorists, on the other hand, mask their faces and wear civilian clothes so that they can hide among the civilian population as they sneak up to set off bombs or run away after committing their misdeeds. They often use women and kids, either hiding behind them or sending them out with bombs strapped to their bodies. There is no honor to be claimed by any of these Hamas losers; they lack the guts to stand up and fight like men, unlike the Israelis.2. The IDF allows women and homosexuals to serve equally alongside their men. Hamas, like other radical muslim groups, prefers to subjugate their women and kill their homosexuals. (Yet liberals in America still support them unconditionally. What's up with that?)
3. The IDF strikes only at military targets. The Palestinians go out of their way to avoid engaging the Israeli military or police and seek to strike at civilians instead, preferring to blow up weding parties, schools, daycare centers, hospitals, public buses, etc. Again, we're talking skulking cowards here. The IDF even has a Code of Conduct that it adheres to, and it has punished numerous members of it's own force for violating this code. The Palestinians? Again, nothing is sacred or off-limits to them. They have no boundaries.
4. The IDF provides life-saving medical care to civilians injured in the fighting and also to any Palestinian combatants that it captures. The Palestinians ignore wounded civilians and torture most of their prisoners to death.
5. The IDF fights to protect it's citizens and homeland. The Palestinians fight because they are antisemetic muslims who want to see Israel wiped out and because other terror supporters pay them to do so.
6. Israeli Defense Force women are generally smoking hot!
Palestinian women...not so much. If I knew that I was getting 70 of those when I died, I'd do my best to live forever.
Humor aside, Israel, like any Democratic society, will always have the support of Lagniappe and I over shitbird terror states and ragamuffin bands of brigands and mad bombers.
Whatever Cassandra Smith's problem is, it's clear that she's one of those people who thinks that our court system is just a lottery game.
Roseville -- A 20-year-old server at Hooters is contemplating legal action after she was put on probation for supposedly gaining weight.
Cassandra Smith of Roseville said she received her yearly evaluation last week at the Hooters at 14 Mile and Gratiot. Her assistant manager and general manager were present, and two women were on a conference call from Hooters of America Inc. headquarters in Atlanta, she said.
After the women informed her she had excellent marks for customer satisfaction and cooperation with co-workers, Smith said she was told she received the lowest marks for her "uniform fitting."
"I was confused because I don't wear the biggest uniform size," Smith said in a phone interview. Smith is 5 foot 8 inches tall and weighs 132 pounds.
She was then offered a free gym membership and given 30 days to improve. If by 60 days she did not comply, she could lose her employment, she said. "I was very upset," Smith said.
The Macomb Community College student said she worked for Hooters for two years and until last week enjoyed working there. Since the start of her employment, she has worn the company-issued shirt and shorts in extra small, she said.
"I'm not overweight by any means," she added. "If anything ... I've been losing weight."
Smith said Tuesday she did not plan on returning to work.
In a statement, Hooters of America clarified the company upholds image standards for its "Hooters Girls," but does not impose weight requirements.
"No employee in Michigan has been counseled about their weight," stated Mike McNeil, the vice president of marketing for Hooters of America.
"However, we will say that our practice of upholding an image standard based on appearance, attitude and fitness for Hooters Girls is both legal and fair. It is not unlike the standard used by the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders or the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes.
"However, as popular as the job might be, being a Hooters Girl is not for everyone."
So to sum this up--she had a great job where she basically got paid good money just to stand around in tight clothes, deliver food and drinks, and act like a ditz. (Hey, I know that I always tip well at Hooters...) But now she's walking away from it just because they might have suggested that she's chubbing out and not maintaining the look that they hired her for. Cassandra, that's called "quitting", honey...
And here the chain even reportedly offered her a free gym membership. Hell, that's not a punishment to me--that's a perk!
But little miss priss, instead of hitting the gym, laying off the Hostess products and thanking Hooters for her great job, sought out a lawyer and called a press conference. She apparently thinks that she's owed a comfortable work-free living just because she draws breath, and she obviously thinks that Hooters should now subsidize it because they hurt her feelings by pointing out the obvious--that she's getting fat.
Cassandra, did you really think that they were paying you all that cash for your brains or your personality?
Honestly, hon...not to be mean, but your face really isn't all that hot, and with that rather lackluster chest, I'd have probably sat in one of your former co-workers' sections anyway. Good luck with your next gig at IHOP or Denny's.
EDITED TO ADD: I just found this pic of Cassandra on another news site. Yeah, it looks like she's definitely got a bit of a muffintop getting started there. I'm siding with Hooters on this one.
OK, five more minutes taken out of my day to post and smile about this article. from the Washington Times. (Thanks, Fuzzy's Dad!)
American women are buying guns and taking aim on firing ranges in growing numbers, according to a recent study and interviews with gun-shop owners. A 2009 study found 70 percent of shop owners reported more female buyers.
The study, conducted by the National Shooting Sports Foundation and Southwick Associates, also found 80 percent of the female gun-buyers who responded said they purchased a gun for self-defense, followed by 35 percent for target practice and 24 percent for hunting.
Women and shop owners interviewed by The Washington Times offered similar, narrow-ranging explanations for the increases — largely self-defense and concerns about the possibility President Obama would further restrict gun ownership.
Erika Gonzalez, of suburban Washington, was raised as a Quaker and grew up thinking guns were unsafe — until a series of life-changing events.
Her grandmother was murdered about 15 years ago in a small town, then her marriage fell apart and she was on her own.
"I was very anti-gun for a long time … and I guess my thinking evolved on that," said Ms. Gonzalez, who owns a Glock 9mm and started a shooting club to practice and share similar interests. "I was probably motivated to buy the gun because I separated from my husband and was living alone." Hilary Gotzh, a single 26-year-old, wants to buy a gun this year for protection and recreational uses, but, like Ms. Gonzalez, thinks ownership is a private and personal decision.
"It's not a common thing that women sit around tea and talk about their firearms," Ms. Gotzh said.
Jack Donald, a Washington-area gun dealer, said he's noticed a recent increase in female gun sales, with most women looking for protection. He also said he witnessed a surge in overall sales after President Obama was elected in 2009.
"Our gun sales volume increased dramatically after the election," he said.
Despite such observations, a recent National Opinion Research Center study shows the demographics of U.S. gun ownership have changed little during the past 29 years. Women owned roughly 10.5 percent of this country's guns in 1980, compared to 10.8 percent of the more than 200 million guns in the U.S. in 2008.
Photos nabbed from Oleg Volk and inserted by Yours Truly.
OK, it's not often that I agree with representatives of the Italian government--in fact, this might be the first time ever--but I can't find a bit of fault with Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's suggestion about how immigration into his country ought to be handled.
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi landed in hot water again after joking that Italy's doors were only open to attractive immigrants, The Sun reported Saturday.
The gaffe-prone politician, 73, held immigration talks Friday with Albanian Prime Minister Sali Berisha.
Berisha looked uncomfortable as Berlusconi joked at a press conference, "We will only accept pretty girls from Albania."
Naturally, this didn't go over too well. Opposition lawmaker Paola Pellegrini slammed the quip, calling Berlusconi "an indecorous old man." But then I'm thinking that she's probably either a feminist or else she's ugly. Personally, I like the idea, and when I get to be President, that will by MY immigration policy--just highly educated immigrants with needed skills and hot chicks--only I will allow pretty girls from every country, not just Albania. A country can never have too many attractive women.
First of all, let me be perfectly clear: America already has some of the finest-looking women in the world, and a lot of them. However we also have a fair number of women who aren't even trying to stay fit and look good, and maybe--just maybe--if these less-than-fit women already here start seeing all of these hot new arrivals walking around, they'll be motivated to put the Hostess products down, get up off their couches, and hit the gym. In that regard, my policy would benefit everyone by increasing the health of America's women, giving American men more and better dating options and beautifying the country in general. Talk about a win/win plan.
So vote for me in 2012. I'll give you more change than you can handle.
PS--to all the beautiful women who visit and regularly post to this blog...you are, of course, already perfect. America just needs more women like you.
And speaking of television, and the good old days when Hollywood was patriotic and made great movies, I happened to catch the 1970 classic Kelly's Heroes yesterday.
Aside from the fact that the movie features Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas, Donald Sutherland, Caroll O'Connor, Harry Dean Stanton, Gavin MacLeod, Jeff Morris and Don Rickles all in the same movie, it's got lots of machine guns and tanks--tanks that run lots of stuff over and blow a ton of stuff up. How do you not like that? And adding to the cool factor, Don Rickles--one of my favorite comedians--spends a fair deal of time toting around a Browning 1919A4 machine gun and using it to whack about a score of Germans.
And looking for a clip to post up here, I found this fantastic one that even shows Rickles with the Browning. How cool is that?
Now after watching Kelly's Heroes and seeing Don Rickles toting that Browning 1919A4, I felt the desire to blog about mine again. I own this wonderful piece of military history, the Browning 1919A4 .30 machine gun. It's an air-cooled, belt-fed gun that weighs about 28lbs by itself and about 41lbs with it's tripod and T&E mechanism, both of which are pretty well required. It fires 550 rounds per minute of either .30-06, .308 or 8mm ammunition (very versatile guns, these Brownings) and the ammo feeds from either cloth belts or metallic links. Here's a can holding 250 rounds of .30-06 ammunition, and this can weighs about 20lbs all by itself.
So what does 250 rounds linked together really look like?
Well here's a linked belt taken out of the can and laid out straight. It's about twelve feet long and the gun can burn through this in about 30 seconds if necessary, but it's much easier on the gun to just fire 5-6 round bursts and keep the rate of fire down to about 120 rounds a minute so as not to burn the rifling out of the barrel. So at that rate, this belt lasts about two minutes. Obviously, more than one can is going to be needed for any practical employment of this gun.
In actual military use, a gun team would have one or two ammo bearers--soldiers whose main job is just to carry extra cans of ammo for this gun. That's in addition to any ammo carried by the gunner and assistant gunner and that assigned to other soldiers in the squad to carry. Many soldiers would lessen the weight by removing the belts from the can and draping them around their shoulders. This wasn't always good, because it allowed the links to get dirty and sometimes knocked rounds out of alignment--both of which could cause the gun to jam--but it was often done nonetheless, and it's still even done today by our troops as they field the Browning's successor guns, the M60 and M240.
I, of course, am always in the market for ammo bearers. In a perfect world, I would have ammo bearers who looked like these two patriotic ladies, each of whom seems to have exactly what this machine gunner needs:
Sadly, I just get this guy:
Life can be so unfair.
Anyway, here's a nice clip of my Browning 1919A4 in operation. I just found this clip on Youtube, and apparently this guy filmed me and a couple of my cop pals, one of whom is fellow blogger Roanoake Cop, while we were shooting it at the state range near his place a couple years ago.
I thought that set-up looked familiar!
Oh--Well-deserved credit to The Sniper for the ammo bearer babes.
