Shame on me, but this is funny to me.

Apparently down in Chesterfield, Virginia, police tried to arrest Mike November on suspicion of drunk driving. November, who has a lengthy criminal history that includes prior DUI arrests and assaults on police officers, fled from the police. A short chase ensued and November crashed and rolled his car, trapping himself inside. Police officers and firefighters worked to extricate him from the wreck, and it should have ended when they got him out, however November apparently decided to try the police on again and started fighting. This time, however, the fight ended when an officer used a taser to subdue him. Unfortunately for Mike, he seems to have gotten himself soaked with gasoline from the wreck, and when the taser hit him, he went up in flames.

Virginia man catches fire after police use Taser on DUI suspect after crash

I'm sorry. I'm still laughing here. At least one of his family members is already telling the media that "he may have had a bad reputation but he didn't deserve to have this happen to him", but I need to disagree. It didn't "happen" to him--he caused it all himself--every bit of it, He made the choices, including the choices to drive drunk, to run from the police, and to fight the firefighters and cops who were trying to help him despite what he'd already done. Let's face it--some people just aren't cut out to walk the earth with the rest of us, and Mike November may well have punched his own ticket with this dumb stunt. I sympathize with him as far as his injuries, but if he dies, he'll have no one to blame but himself.

Score another "own goal" for the "Look at me" generation and Facebook.

Colleen Cudney of Westland, Michigan shows us how to rise to the top of searches for "stupid criminals" on the internet.

Woman's Facebook post ousts her probation violation

Let's see...how to be stupid in 3 easy lessons.

1. Drive drunk and get a DUI.
2. When put on probation, with a condition that you not drink while supervised, drink anyway.
3. Brag about #2 on Facebook.

WESTLAND, Mich. -
It was the day after St. Patrick's Day when Colleen Cudney was called in for a random breathalyzer test.

The 22-year-old was put on probation for a drunken driving conviction in 2012. After Cudney took the test at the probation office in Westland, she logged on to Facebook and counted her blessings.

Investigators say she posted this: “Buzz killer for me, I had to breathalyze (sic) this morning and I drank yesterday but I passed thank god lol my dumba@@."

A Westland police officer saw her post that morning and notified the probation office. When a probation officer called Cudney to return to the office for an urine test, she hung up the phone.

Probation officials say that was a violation of her probation. It was set to end in a few weeks.

Now the little snowflake is looking at up to 93 days in jail. DOH!

This is a tough one.

A drunk driver rams into a family and kills two of the children. Moments later, the drunk is shot dead, allegedly by the father.

Father ‘shot dead drunk driver moments after he crashed into truck killing his two young sons'

I'd hate to have to be one of the jurors on that case.

But I suspect that if I was, dad would be walking free at the end of the day.

What are your thoughts on this one?

So how stupid are today's celebrities?

Pretty stupid, it seems.

Hollywood no-talent Amanda Byrnes (Don't feel bad if you don't know who she is. I've never heard of her, either.) got popped for a DUI after sideswiping a police car recently in Los Angeles. So what does she do? She tweets Barack Obama, denies driving drunk (even though she refused the breath test that would have cleared her) and demands that he personally fire the police officer who arrested her.

Amanda Bynes Charged with DUI, Asks Obama to Fire Arresting Officer

Apparently this ditz doesn't even comprehend the fact that police officers are local government employees and that the federal government does not have, has never had, and is not supposed to ever have the authority to dictate to them or interfere with their employment.

Stupid. So stupid. Who reminds these idiots to breathe every day? Is it any wonder that she and her Hollywood pals fawn over Obama so? And sadly, her vote counts as much as mine or yours.

Fake muslim convict causes a stir in Boulder, Colorado.

Maria Hardman, 19 years old, was sentenced to two days in the Boulder Jail and slated to serve those two days this past week-end. However, upon arriving at the jail, she appeared wearing a hijab, or muslim headscarf, and refused to take it off for the booking photo. She claims to have converted to islam three years ago when she was 16 years old, and is now holding herself out as some sort of victim and also a crusader on behalf of muslims everywhere. In her own video, which she's posted to Youtube, she speaks of how she's reached out to both the ACLU and CAIR, the Washington, DC-based lobbying organization/terrorist front-group, requesting their help. And like so many other privileged and sheltered little Boulderites, she claims that the problem here is a "lack of education" on the part of everyone else around her. She's so worldly at 19, and all of the adults with actual life experience are ignorant, at least in her view.

Well maybe the ACLU and CAIR can help her explain how she can really be a devout muslim when she engages in the activities that she boasted about on her public Facebook page (which she's now taken down and changed). On facebook, this "devout muslim" (and underage teenager) describes her favorite activities as:

"Activities: Running, Traveling, Hiking, Scootering, Reading, Cooking, Skiing, Horseback Riding, Hookahing, Partying and Lovin', Camping, Drinking, and 1 more"

"Interests: Traveling, Partying, Ummm See Above"

The page was also filled with gratuitous, casual profanity and self-authored references to "crazy/awesome nights" and partying. At one point, she even listed her status as: "permadrinkin ;)" with a self-reply of "Supposed to say 'permadrunkin'".

She sure sounds like a devout muslim to me...what do you think?

Oh--and the crime for which she was sentenced to the jail...Operating a motor vehicle under the influence of alcohol. Predictably, she has a defense to this one as well. She claims that she was given alcohol without her knowledge when, at a party, she sipped a glass of punch from a bowl that she did not know was spiked. Of course her credibility was further demolished by her BAC, which was 0.19, or over twice the legal limit of 0.08. To reach such a limit, she would have had to have consumed the equivalent of at least 10 shots, bottles of beer, or glasses of wine. That's not something that you can get from one cup of punch. But she's playing that down now, too. She laughingly tells everyone in her "feel sorry for me" video that she was sentenced to jail for "a bunch of traffic violations." She can't even be honest about her DWI when it's a matter of public knowledge.

Now the muslim community is trying to decide how to handle this hand grenade. Thanks to little Maria publicizing her little affair, they now have to rush in and defend a female who claims to observe their religion yet drinks, operates motor vehicles, and casually associates with non-family-member males.

Meanwhile, Maria has to go back before the judge to explain her non-cooperation. Here's hoping that the judge increases her sentence and gives her more time in jail just for being a self-absorbed drama queen and twit. In a perfect world, her over-indulgent parents would be forced to join her on the work crew for letting her get so screwed up.

Related news stories:

Denver Post
CBS Denver
London Muslim blog

One more actor added to the list of "people I used to like".

Every time I get to actually liking a TV show or an actor, something like this has to happen.

MIAMI BEACH, Fla. — Miami Beach police say they arrested "Burn Notice" star Jeffrey Donovan on suspicion of drunken driving.

The arrest report says an officer pulled Donovan over on July 12 after noticing that he swerved his car to avoid hitting the police car from behind. When the officer approached Donovan, he reported that the actor's eyes appeared bloodshot and watery.

The actor of the popular USA Network series was arrested after failing a field sobriety test. The arrest report says Donovan refused to take a breathalyzer test.

Is there anyone in Hollywood these days who isn't a scumbag off-screen?

EDITED TO ADD: I just wanted to say that to be fair, Donovan isn't the only celebrity that has disappointed me with their out-of-the-public-eye behavior. My disappointments run the gamut from Lauren Tewes, the actress who played the part of Julie McCoy on The Love Boat way back in the 70's (and who turned out to be a cocaine user) to Jan Michael-Vincent, an actor that I liked until he racked up several drug and alcohol-related arrests, including one where he cracked a car while driving drunk and then sued the paramedics because they allegedly hurt his throat when they intubated him trying to save his stupid life. More recently I have come to be disappointed in people like Richard Miniter, the foreign policy author who was busted for DWI in Virginia back in 2005. Reports were that he was a total tool to the police but none of that was enough to prevent the Washington Times from hiring them as their Vice President of Opinion. Like I care what a drunk thinks?

Bottom line is that people in the public eye need to remember that they are in the public eye, and the rest of us need to remember that just because someone acts the part of a stable, decent person on the screen or in print, that in no way proves that they actually have their head screwed on straight.

Bride-zilla goes to jail

I wonder if the wedding band played "Here comes the bride" on a banjo?

Seriously folks, it not often that someone who lives in West Virginia gets to laugh at anyone else for looking like an ignorant hillbilly hick, but Billy and Jade Puckett have just made that possible.

You see, this couple got married last week-end down in Texas. It is not known how many head of livestock were in attendance but it is known that after the reception, Billy Puckett was stopped by a DUI task force, allegedly because his passenger (that would be the newly-minted Jade Puckett) was opening and closing the car's door as they drove down the highway. Billy was subsequently arrested for DUI.

Now it could have--and should have--ended here, but Jade apparently wanted to get into the act too. She apparently "exited the vehicle" (cop-speak for "got out of the car") and proceeded to tell the arresting officers something along the lines of "take yer hands off'n my man!"

No actual idea what transpired, but Jade was apparently so obnoxious and belligerent that she was eventually arrested herself for being drunk in public. And since arresting officers aren't in the habit of driving prisoners home to change clothes, Mrs. Puckett wound up going off to the pokey in her wedding whites.

She pled guilty the next morning when she was presented before a judge--still wearing her wedding gown--and received a sentence of "time served".

Well there was a time when any citizen would have just died of embarrassment had such a thing happened, and most people would have just hushed up about it and let it blow over. But that was before all of these reality TV shows came along and totally de-stigmatized looking like trailer trash. Jade claims that she was so embarrassed about being jailed in her wedding dress that she...called press conferences--and even posed for new pictures in that wedding dress!

I guess she figured that if a welfare-cheat like Nadya "Octomom" Sulyman could cash in on 15 minutes of shame, a drunken redneck in a wedding dress might just be able to sell a few interviews or otherwise make some cash too.

Rumor has it that Jade and her new husband as so upset that they're fixin' to up and move right on out of Harris County, just as soon as they can arrange for a truck to pull their trailer away.

And here's a few tips for your next weddings, Billy and Jade:

1. Next time spring for a limo, or at least find some sober guy to drive you home.
2. If/when you encounter the police, be polite and respectful and do what they tell you, especially when they tell you to stay in the car. (JADE!)
3. If you both need to be drunk in order to marry each other and/or take care of traditional honeymoon business, it's probably not a good match. I'm just saying...
4. Oh, and Jade...sit up straight. Slouching in court is so un-ladylike.

Darwin strikes again.

In spades. Drink, drive, text, die.

Authorities say a 16-year-old girl who died after losing control of her car had been texting on her cell phone moments before the accident.

Kayla Preuss, of Highland, California was driving on the Interstate 10 Freeway in Redlands when she lost control of her car and crashed. She died of head injuries.

Authorities say Preuss had been driving drunk and was speeding. But another factor may have contributed to the crash.

Phone records show Preuss was texting just before the accident. Her cell phone, which was flipped open, was found resting on the floorboard by her feet.

Preuss' mother Kelly said she hopes the accident will make other people think before texting and driving.

I should feel bad, but I can't. I've seen the carnage that drunk drivers cause, especially in the lives of other innocent people. This girl may have been only sixteen, but that's old enough to know better as well as being five years' too young to drink. What's really sad here is that he mom seems to think that it was the texting that killed her daughter, not the speeding or the alcohol. Proof once again that some parents just don't get it. And also evidence that sixteen years old is too young to be licensed to drive. I'm a strong proponent of raising the driving age to 18 and perhaps even tying it to successful graduation from high school.

I have to wonder if her last text message didn't look something like this:

Kayla: "IM DRNK N 2 DMB 2 LIV--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

source

EDITED TO ADD: It just gets worse. Apparently this sixteen year old was out driving around at 2:45 AM. Again, why kind of parent lets sixteen year old kids out of the house--even sober--at 2:45 AM? They might as well have just shot her in the head and at least saved themselves a car. Idiots.

Another day, another loser checks out...and takes two others with him.

So here are the police, setting up a typical DUI checkpoint in Denver over the week-end and making a real effort to get drunk drivers off our roads.

Along comes James Thomas at about 1:30 AM on Saturday morning. He's got a carload of teenagers and probably more than a little alcohol in his system. He gets stopped by the checkpoint, but then apparently panics and speeds off, crashes and kills himself and two young girls.

The driver of a car involved in a high-speed crash Saturday that killed three had fled a Denver police DUI checkpoint moments before the wreck.

James Thomas, 22, stopped at the checkpoint near Park Avenue west near the interstate, then sped away in his 2004 Subaru Impreza, said Denver police spokesman John White. "At some point the driver pulled out and fled and ultimately the fatal accident occurred."

Thomas and his girlfriend, Daniella Devores, 20, and Melissa Burns, 18, ied in the accident.

Police didn't pursue Thomas.

Nicholas Palmer, 19, f Broomfield, who was also in the car, remained in critical condition Monday at Denver Health Medical Center.

This is WHY we have DUI checkpoints. Because drunk drivers ARE out there, and because they routinely do stupid and dangerous stuff. Not only are their physical abilities impaired, but so is their decision-making. James Thomas just proved that in a pretty undeniable fashion. His choice, so no tears there, but as so often happens, someone else has to pay for the drunk's stupid decisions too.

Source

Liar, liar...

Have you ever heard anything as dumb as the lie told by
Gianna Vigliotti of Manhasset, New York in this story courtesy of Newsday? This 17 year old girl gets nabbed for drunk driving (and underage drinking), and rather than just own up to it when she's clearly busted--her blood-alcohol level was 0.15, or almost twice the legal limit of 0.08--she spins a yarn about how she got drunk simply by kissing a drunk guy!

After the 17-year-old from Glen Cove recorded a .15 percent blood-alcohol level in a portable breath test - nearly the twice the legal limit of .08 percent - she told the officer who pulled her over, "I didn't drink! I was kissing a boy who was drunk," according to the police report.

It made no difference to Officer Michael Pallazzo whether Vigliotti's speech was slurred from smooching or from swigging. When he found four full beer bottles under the passenger seat of her Volkswagen and an empty beer can in her purse, he placed her under arrest, court documents said.

Well that lie didn't take, and she's pleaded guilty and is currently awaiting trial.

Vigliotti's attorney, Dennis Lemke of Mineola, said his client and her family are devastated by the charge.

"To now have it publicized is not only embarrassing, but demeaning as well," he said.

Well did you ever stop to think that had your client not offered up the stupidest excuse ever heard by man, she might not have had it publicized all around the country? Hell, thirty years from now, potential employers and co-workers are going to Google her name and find this shining example of how really bad her judgment and integrity are. Sheesh!This is what a police mug shot of a drunk, lying teen looks like. Nice job, parents. And you other kids...if you drive drunk, you could have your picture up here, too...if you're lucky enough to survive and not kill someone else, that is.

Finally...A judge does the right thing.

This story was somewhat of a surprise, coming out of illegal-alien-friendly Maryland, but Howard County Circuit Court Judge Lenore Gelfman rejected an insanely light plea agreement that called for a sentence of no more than eight years in prison for an illegal alien accused of killing a Marine and his date in a drunken-driving accident on Thanksgiving night in 2006. Illegal alien trespasser Eduardo Raul Morales-Soriano's blood-alcohol level was four times the legal limit on the night of the crash, authorities said.

Under the agreement, Morales-Soriano pleaded guilty to two counts of negligent manslaughter in the deaths of Jennifer Bower, 24, of Montgomery Village and her passenger, Cpl. Brian Mathews, 21, of Columbia, who had served eight months in Iraq.

Gelfman's ruling came after about an hour of emotional testimony from the victims' relatives, including Mathews's mother, who said her son returned home from one of the most dangerous parts of the world only to be killed on the roads of his own country.

"This is truly an American tragedy," Trudy Mathews said of the death of her son, an Eagle Scout who had followed a family tradition of military service.

Interim Howard County State's Attorney Dario J. Broccolino said later that he believed the judge thought the maximum sentence allowed under the agreement was "too little." If convicted at trial, Morales-Soriano could be sentenced to more than 20 years in prison.

On Nov. 23, 2006, Morales-Soriano, a Mexican national who had been living in Laurel, was driving a Nissan Sentra when he struck the rear of a Toyota Corolla at a red light at routes 108 and 175, fatally injuring Bower and Mathews, authorities said.

Morales-Soriano, who had a valid Maryland driver's license, had been charged in once before with drunken driving in February 2006, but the case was dropped. And because Maryland places so much value on it's illegal alien community, Morales-Soriano was not turned over to ICE for deportation as he should have been but was instead released to drink and drive some more and ultimately to kill two Americans.

Heather Hoppe, Mathews's sister, applauded the judge's decision to reject the plea agreement. "I got the impression she wanted more of a sentence, and I think that's a good decision," said Hoppe, 30. "This needs to be publicized and consequences need to be shown."

During the hearing, no relative of the victims objected to the plea agreement in open court. Jennifer Bower's father, David Bower, read a statement that described his daughter as "a wonderful gift to the community."

"She was embracing her life," he said, as his wife stood behind him clutching a single flower.

He spoke about her death's effect on the family, saying, "I still jump when the phone rings," hoping that "she will call."

Trudy Mathews testified about how her son had planned to become a teacher after giving his country "the promise of his own life."

"Every day, we prayed for his safe return home," she said of his time in Iraq. "Our prayers were answered."

Morales-Soriano wore headphones to listen as an interpreter translated the proceedings into Spanish. In a statement that he made, Morales-Soriano said he did "not intend to kill anyone," and he acknowledged "that I caused this tragedy."

"I wish it was me that died in that accident," he said.

Yeah, I wish that too. The two people that he killed were worth far more than Morales-Soriano and every other illegal alien trespasser in this country. How many more Americans will have to die just so that people who even don't respect our country enough to apply for lawful admission or obey our laws can remain here illegally to reap it's benefits?

What's Patrick Kennedy's exuse this time?

Come on now. Is he really the best person that Rhode Island can send to Congress? And frankly, does America need or deserve to have important decisions made by someone who is addicted to drugs, has mental problems that affect his decision-making ability, and drives drunk to boot?

These questions and others stem from an incident at 0245 hours on Thursday, May 4th, where Kennedy was spotted driving in an erratic fashion by US Capitol Police. As they tried to stop him, he slammed into a security barrier. By police accounts, Kennedy exited the car smelling of alcoholic beverages, with red, watery eyes and slurred speech. He was also reportedly staggering and disoriented but he still claimed to be going into Congress to vote. Officers on the scene wanted to treat Kennedy as they would any other citizen and administer field sobriety tests but they were stopped by supervisors who responded to the scene and sent them away. Those supervisors then drove Kennedy to his home without arresting him or administering any sort of sobriety tests.

Now this angers me because there's no way that I or any of you readers would ever get that sort of treatment if we crashed our car and exhibited all the signs and symptoms of drunk driving. It also angered the officers on scene enough to make them file a complaint with their union regarding the supervisor interference and that's how this affair made the news the next day.

When it bacame public knowledge, Kennedy immediately issued a statement claiming that he had not been drinking that night. However this was contradicted a few hours later by a waitress at the Hawk and Dove, a local bar on Capitol Hill. She said that Kennedy had been in the bar that night and that he had been drinking.

Kennedy's next excuse was that he'd taken Ambien--a sleep aid--and Phenergan, and that the two drugs had made him disoriented. However that doesn't explain away the watery red eyes or the odor of alcoholic beverages that the Capitol Police documents. Those things come from one source only--alcohol.

All I can see here frankly is more proof that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Daddy Ted Kennedy drives off a bridge at Chappaquiddick and a girl dies while he runs home to hide. By the time he turns himself in to police, it's too late for any alcohol testing. And now Patrick crashes his car and goes home, coming out a day later and only then promising to cooperate with any investigations.However it's also too late for alcohol testing. How convenient.

My thought is that if I had been in his shoes--and if I honestly had not been drinking--I'd have demanded a breathalyzer test immediately just to dispel all doubt and prove to the world that there was no alcohol in my system. But now we'll never know for sure either way and all we can do is guess and use his past record to gauge his veracity.

So let's look at that past record.

He's had problems in the past with both alcohol and drug abuse and he's been to rehab for these problems. He's also admitting to bipolar disorder and he's undergone treatment for that as well. But he still acts badly and he has a history that includes striking an airline security guard in March of 2000 in Los Angeles and an accusation of domestic abuse by a girlfriend who summoned the Coast Guard to rescue her from Kennedy's yacht.

Look, I'm not unsympathetic to the guy's problems. I doubt that there are many people in America who are laughing about his problems and I think it's safe to say that most people can find at least some pity for the guy. But the fact remains that his problems make him a liability in government and America can't afford to have someone that erratic and irresponsible making decisions that affect all of us. I think it's time for him to step down and just go live in the familiy's millions and leave running the country to someone more stable and better equipped to handle the pressure that goes with the job.

And if he won't step down, the voters of Rhode Island need to step up and replace him for the good of that state and the nation.

Drinks at the Hawk & Dove: $40
Phenergan & Ambien: $75
Crashing your Mustang convertible while intoxicated: $4,000
Being driven home by Capitol Police instead of arrested: PRICELESS

And courtesy of the Smoking Gun, here's the actual POLICE REPORT

On the New Year...and drunk driving

2005's gone. 2006's here.

From a professional standpoint, 2005 wasn't bad. Despite missing almost 4 months to sickness and an on-the-job injury, I still managed 49 drunk-driving arrests. Now that's not counting the drug arrests, the weapons arrests, the arrests for reckless/unsafe driving, drivers lying about who they were, or the one guy that I jailed for fishing without a license because he was such an ass about it. (The gang down at the city jail still can't believe that I hooked the guy for a whole week-end just for a fishing offense. Moral of the story: when the police catch you red-handed for something minor, don't be a jack-ass to try and impress your friends.)

I also locked up a woman who decided that she didn't want to wait in traffic to get out of a concert. She decided to just use her car horn and her front bumper to "nudge" the guy in the yellow vest out of her way. Of course she bawled all the way to court that she didn't know I was a police officer. "I thought he was just someone who worked there," she told the judge. This of course did not impress the judge, who didn't share her view that it was ok to hit people with your car so long as they aren't police officers. He found her guilty of Assault and Reckless Driving and gave her 2 years' probation and 200 hours of community service. He went easy on her because she's a Registered Nurse and because she showed up in court with about twenty relatives and co-workers.

Finally, I cited over 100 drivers with Reckless Driving, requiring them to appear before the judge. Most got decent fines and points and some got jail, depending on their driving records. When you drive an unmarked police car like I usually do, reckless drivers are like fish in a barrel. And I never tire of that shocked look on their faces when the car that the hadn't paid any attention to a second ago suddenly pulls up behind them and displays an impressive array of of red and blue lights.

Of all of the work I did this year, The DWI arrests give me the most satisfaction. That's 49 impaired drivers that I prevented from injuring or killing themselves or other people. And my catches ran the gamut, from teenagers to a 78 year old man.

On the downside, I did total one relatively new cruiser (Sorry about that, Chief) and I damaged another one but at least I didn't have to shoot anyone this year, which puts me one up on 2004.

And 2006 started out on a positive note. The new year wasn't two hours old when I spotted an SUV driving fast and stupid. I went to stop it and the driver tried to ditch me but his first turn off the road after I lit him up took us both right down a dead-end street. I love chasing people who don't know where they're going.

This catch was a good one. He reeked of booze and had the classic red "drunk eyes". He slurred his words when he denied having a drop to drink after I asked him how much he'd been drinking. When I told him that I knew better, he began to cry. I had him come out of the car and he couldn't walk without supporting himself on the side of the car. Still crying, he failed all my tests and I locked him up despite his begging me to just let him go because he had promised his mom that he would not drink and drive. He was 19 years old and blew 0.21 on his breath tests. And to make it even better, he got angry with me because he claimed that his parents told him that they would stop paying for college if he got into trouble drinking and he said that it's my fault that he'll have to work at Wal-Mart or McDonalds for the rest of his life.
I told him to go with Wal-Mart because the employee discount is better there.

Of course like all drunks, he insisted over and over again that he wasn't drunk and told me more times than I could count that he was a safe driver. Yeah, right. I'll bet this woman said the same thing:

January 1, 2006 -- A police officer was in critical condition early this morning after being struck by an apparently drunken driver on a Queens expressway after pulling another driver over for speeding , police said.

The NYPD Highway Unit officer was standing on the driver's side of the car he had just stopped on the Long Island Expressway, near the Grand Central Parkway interchange, when he was clipped at about 1:45 a.m., cops said.

The female driver stopped immediately and appeared to be drunk, police said. She had not been charged as of early this morning, and the accident was still under investigation while the woman was taken into custody.

The injured police officer, whose name was not released, was rushed to Bellevue Hospital, in Manhattan.

(New York Post, 1-1-06 on-line edition.)

This one was for you, brother. Mend well.

And for the rest of you out there contemplating driving after "just a few drinks"... I'm out there somewhere. A cab may cost you a few bucks but it's a lot cheaper than the lawyer's fees, court costs and fines, impound fees, probation oversight fees and insurance rate hikes that you're going to face if I catch you.